come at me bro // 2016

So little update on life before getting started on a few new years resolutions, which I usually don't do, but I'm feeling kind of motivated about this. I want to make some changes this year. For one thing, I applied for and have an interview for my first official job as a shelver at the local library. It's super cute ft open brick, downtown, and all the people are really sweet, so pls pray I get it. I also sprained my wrist ice skating yesterday which was sad cause I had to miss Star Wars afterwards but ok. So happy though cause we really thought it was broken and it was super swollen, but now I have a splint and it's ok. In other news I got a yoga mat and an eno and money for a mountain bike so maybe I'll actually do things this year hahahahahha. I slept in the eno a few days after christmas in the woods with cousins and bros because NC's 70 degree weather??? Also, got a teapot and waffle maker and have been drinking plenty of tea and eating plenty of waffles.

So there you go. 2015 was a great year. Actually a really great year. Maybe even my best yet. I finished my first semester of community college, got baptized, went on my first missions trip, got my permit, went on first road trip with sis to Florida to see baes, sister met her soulmate and got engaged (?!♥) and lots of other stuff. There were a lot of changes, renewal of old friendships, deepening of relationships, and lots of growth. So, now I feel really thankful and I can't handle it. I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH.

// a few minor resolutions //
>> do yoga daily + gym membership ???
>> put away social media on Sundays
>> put away all electronics at least an hour before bed
>> take 5 minutes to write my flow of thought at the beginning of each day for perspective + more journaling
>> dessert on the weekends only lol maybe
>> be more informed on current events + listen to or read the briefing by Albert Mohler daily
>> set strict sleep schedule (!!!)
>> cook dinner at least once a week 
>> stand up while doing school work
>> go outside daily even for short walk
>> prayer journal every single day + talk to God about my anxieties and doubts and fear don't be afraid to get real with the One who knows my every thought and loves me the same
>> write out schedule/to do list for next day the night before
>> set my mind on things above + shine brighter for Christ (there's this verse romans 13:12 and you should go look it up)

Okay. I think that's it (although I'll definitely think of a lot more things that I want to add later and may or may not edit the post to add). SO PLEASE TELL ME CAUSE I NEED INSPIRATION, do you have any resolutions?? Or do any of these sound like something you'd like to do?

ps. You all have been a fantastic part of my year. All of you are lovely inside and out and make the world a better place. ^-^ Every single one of your comments brightens my day. You guys make me feel good about writing and make me happy that I decided to stick with this old blogging idea. (esp last post I was so nervous posting and yalls comments just lkjaflkjdsl) So thank you all a million times and best wishes for the greatest year yet <3 <3

bruised

there is a big city. in the city there is a window, among other windows. it's dark. inside is a boy man, but not really a man. He feels like boy, a boy who tried to grow up too soon. that kind of growing hurts, worse than growing pains.
the dark room is lit only by a cigarette, clouded by smoke, penetrated by cold night air. the hands holding the cigarette are bruised, scarred, and trembling.
In this forgotten room he is alone, without a shirt, smoking, and hopeless, with tears inconspicuously slipping down his face. he's thinking about his mother and he keeps thinking and feeling and clenching and unclenching his jaw. his eyes are full of bitter regret, despair, and wetness. he keeps messing with his hands, biting his knuckles, fidgeting, lips trembling between gulps for air.
his neck turns to side and he stops, closing his eyes hard- till he breaks throwing down his cigarette and crushing it into the floor with his shoe
with tears in his eyes, biting his lip, trying to stop it, he sets in to the brick wall, punching it for all he's worth not that that's very much to him forgetting to wrap them. he forgot they were already bruised. he forgot they were bleeding when they started. he just kept beating the wall like it was himself.
then when he had nothing left he flung himself in the thin mattress of a bed and lay there staring at the distant stars, burning, emotionless, alone until sleep took the pain away for then

little did he know his mother lay awake too
looking up to the same stars a thousand miles away
thinking what she would not give to have him back

inspiration via pinterest

do you ever wonder

do you ever get down on your hands & knees & look at the world? do you ever look at dirt sparsely populated by grass & imagine the world of a whole people so small? do you ever let your face rest against the cold snow & imagine a far stretching plaint, two reluctant armies facing each other across the white expanse? do you ever look at a creek & imagine it a river, immense, vast, impossible to forge? do you ever look at a tree or a spot in the woods & imagine you'd make your home there?
do you ever look at the world from someone else's eyes, another age, another country, another religion, a whole other life, with other thoughts, eyes, smiles, tears, hopes, and dreams? does it ever surprise you again the number of people there are in our world who are never once the same, who you've never seen & will never meet/know?
do you ever wonder about someone in the world who is most similar to you in all the small details? or the guy version of what you look like? or all the little thoughts people have of you? or that one person you made eye contact with across the street/coffee shop?
do you ever wonder about other peoples stories? cause i do & sometimes i wonder if others do, too.

nonofficial best book award (!!!)

Thanks times a million to Abbie (GO SEE HER BLOG IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND SO IS SHE) for tagging me for the nonofficial best book award. I was really excited. Really. So here's the rules and my list and my nominees!!!!!!!
Rule #1 - steal the tag. 

Rule #2 - fill in the tag.

Rule #3 - tag people to steal the tag

Rule #4 - SHARE YOUR LINK because books are best and i need more to add to my list.

1. Best Male Character // Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird. Also loved what Abbie had to say about Edmund's character from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. So much development. He's one of my favorites, too.
2. Best Female Character // Jo from Little Women. "You are the gull, Jo, strong and wild, fond of the storm and the wind, flying far out to sea, and happy all alone."
3. Best Protagonist (good guy/main character) // probably everyone in Lord of the Rings. Also Bilbo is an absolutely marvelous protagonist. I could go on and on and on, but then I'd be asleep so.
4. Best Antagonist (bad guy/opposing party to main character) Do you even realize how difficult this is for me. I'll just go with Harry Potter only. Because. Harry Potter. Voldemort, Bellatrix, and Umbridge are all villains that I just can. not. handle. Jo did an incredible job with them I simply can't handle it.
5. Best Plot Development // Harry Potter series BECAUSE REALLY THE PLOT IS WOVEN THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE 7 BOOKS AND IT'S AMAZING TO LOOK BACK ON.
6. Best Plot Twist // Gone with the Wind. I feel like the entire book was just a big plot twist.
7. Book You Threw Across The Room Hardest (in either a bad or good way) // Probably every book ever. I get a little bit too emotionally involved. OKAY OKAY, I'll pick one. The Boston Jane series just had me cringing and hitting myself and in actual physical pain because why can't she just listen to my advice?!
8. Best Romance // An Old-fashioned Girl. Okay, don't judge by the title. Do not judge in any way whatsoever. Just read it and feel all the feels.
9. Best Action // Fearless. ??????
10. Best Other Book (i don't even know what i would put these ones under...but there were a few that deserved recognition.) // The Book Thief no words like don't even talk to me it probably could be put under every category here
11. Best Book That Made You Change the Way You Think // The Help + Night
12. Best Inspiring Book // Okay, I know inspiring can be used to mean different things, but The Last Battle was really just wow. It inspired me to want to get to heaven already. ;)
13. Best Book That Made You Learn Something New // And the Mountains Echoed and Unbroken
14. Best Sad Book // Wow there's so many to choose from *rolls eyes at how many depressing books seem to show up in my life* ok. The Velveteen Rabbit though. Yes, it's a children's book, and, yes, it still hurts.
15. Best Funny Book // The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society read it!!!!!!!! sublime in all the areas of goodness.

{ sorry this was a little brief my throat hurts and i'm really tired but can't go to sleep yet because my sheets aren't out of the dryer yet sooo }

Nominees //
Olivia at the cwtch
Evelyn at the raven + the writer
Abigail at listless
Grace at totally graced
Elisabeth at a flyleaf
Cally at words passing you by
Leah at princess leah
Vanessa at simply me
 and YOU.

priceless time //

these past few days have been so full but i hope this will be quick.
i'm thankful for so much. especially for traditions, old and new, and family to make them with. i'm thankful for 6 hours driving to have a thanksgiving lunch with one side of the family and dinner with the other side. i'm thankful for small houses full of too many people and too much food and just enough love. i'm thankful for long drives listening to christmas music for the first time all year. i'm thankful for full days and late nights and chilly air and full moons and bright stars. the adrenaline of night air filling your lungs, chasing each other in the bright dark. i'm thankful for reunions with cousins who lived next door, after too many months and too many miles in between. i'm thankful for drives in the truck to pick up a tree in the late afternoon, through woods and fields. i'm thankful for thanksgiving leftovers, campfires, christmas list making, tree decorating, and a fluffy new comforter to come home to at the end of the day. i'm thankful for the leisure to actually paint my nails, dust my bookshelves, go through old notebooks, for the first time in ages to not have something i have to do.
i'm thankful for time. to invest in people, to make mistakes, to learn from them, to know my Jesus better, to finish books, to just be. time is a gift. don't forget to treasure it. don't let yourself miss it, because before you know it you'll be wishing you were back here, with these special humans, precious moments, and priceless time.

every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change // james 1:17

gratitude tag

What is gratitude?
It is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
Often times we forget to show gratitude to one another. Our everyday life struggles get in the way of focusing on what we have and what we can do to show appreciation to one another. Thanksgiving isn't the only time to be reminded of what we are grateful for. We need to be reminded of the people and things that are important to us.With that, I give you the Gratitude Tag! Unlike tags that are centered around the things about thanksgiving (food and black Friday) this is a tag you can do any time of the year.
- Vanessa at Simply Me

1// What is your favorite quote or verse that reminds you to be grateful?
One that isn't directly talking about gratitude, but indirectly affects it is this: "Comparison is the thief of joy." That one always just punches me in the gut because it's so true. Comparing myself, my situation, or my belongings to others dissolves any gratitude I have for those what God has given me. Also that quote "There are people who would love to have your bad days." It's hard to comprehend how incredibly blessed and privileged I am. And 1 Thessalonians 5:18!

2// Who are you grateful for?  Agh so many people. I'm so thankful for my family and my extended family. They're just the best. And my church family. And just friends. And my sister, especially, who I'm learning to appreciate even more as we plan for her wedding in June. :')

3// What life events are you grateful for? That's a tough one.. I'm really grateful for the local mission trip our church organized this past summer. It brought all of us so much closer and God just did amazing things through it. 

 4// What is something you are grateful for but often times don't think about?
Whoaaa so many. Um, my bed (♥), a body and mind that are fully functional and capable of learning, the ability to get an education and learn so much, living in a democracy and relative security, air conditioning, and like Vanessa said, FOOD.

5// What are you going to do to show people your gratitude towards them?
Kind of tagging along to what Vanessa said, I tend to be proud or unwilling to admit that I need other people. So, when they do help, or support, or show love for me, I oftentimes resist the urge to thank them or show my gratitude towards, because I want to believe I don't need them or something? I've never really thought through or articulated this before, and it's sounding really foolish (cause it is o.o) but it's definitely something that should change. I do need people and I really am so grateful for the people in my life. It's inconsiderate to them not to show that to them. 

Thanks so much to Vanessa for tagging me! This was such a fun and beneficial post to write ^-^ To spread the word about this fabulous tag, I'll tag 5 others (hopefully I'm not overwhelming some of you that I tagged in my liebster award post too *nervous laughter*)

Abby at Abby and the Pens
Lauren at Loving our Creator
Leah at Princess Leah
Audrey at Whimsical Wanderings
Grace at Totally Graced
And anyone else who's up for it ^-^

breathe //

I trip outside and down the road in a rush of adrenaline. 

The sky burns with a thousand shades of pink and orange and red sun, sketching silhouettes of thin, thick trees older than I am. 

I came to take pictures. I take them, looking on through a poor mirror of the image in an electronic screen.

Then I put it down.

It's quiet.

I breathe.

My eyes feel insufficient to take it all in. Colors smearing into each other to a dark blue. The moon shining a blurry, silver crescent hundreds of thousands of miles away. The field stretches to woods, full of thick grass and fox tails and wet dirt and weeds. A red light flashes above the heavy piled clouds on the horizon, a lone airplane headed east. Bats flitter by overhead. Crickets chirp. The sound of cars zooming by in the distance, always rushed, always hurried, always somewhere to be, late.

The sun has all but disappeared, sinking too fast in perfect time below the horizon, as it does everyday. Another sunset for someone else, another sunrise for another. A thick fog rises across the field, cloaking the ground and trees in a misty gray. The moon continues to rise, waiting patiently on the retreating light. 

The air is cool and wet. The night is dark. The clouds, dark and looming, pile higher, the fog steadily advancing. The flashing light of the airplane is nowhere to be seen, the small lives and beating hearts on board forgotten. My feet turn to walk home, my beating heart left behind, too busy feeling for the other confused, hurting hearts in this huge minuscule world.

We're so small and so lost and so loved. God is so close. Why do we resist him? "He will fight for you- you need only be still." 

I breathe.

//

I don't understand a lot lately, and I feel it. I know and control so very little. But this I know-

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth." 

liebster award // nomination

OK. LIEBSTER AWARD ROUND TWO. Thanks so much to Hannah over at Grace in Everything for nominating me! She chose the best questions ever. ^-^ Here are my responses!!! So much fun to answer.

1// Who is your favorite Disney Princess now and has it ever changed?
Belle. Not that I can think of. I've always been sleeping beauty, but I never liked her. Or her personality. Or the movie. I've always loved Belle's personality, prince, and movie. Also I cry every time I hear Tale as Old as Time so there's that.
2// How do you style your hair?
Gah. Lots of different ways but they're all super fast and easy. Sometimes I braid it or put it in a bun or ponytail or just a bed head (which I promise is not that bad). None of these take more than like a minute. If I'm really feeling like trying I straighten it which takes a while because I have super thick hair. But then it's so much less suffocating. So I guess it's worth it. ;)
3// What was your favorite childhood show or movie?
Oh my worddddd. Are you serious? This is way too hard. So, basically anything Disney. Literally anything. Or Disney Pixar. The first movie that came to mind when I saw this was Fox and the Hound, although I would strongly recommend caution in watching this film because so many feels. Also, Sound of Music and Mary Poppins because obviously and Julie Andrews. The Patriot was one I saw a little bit older but definitely still in my childhood and alskdgj. Wow. That movie. And some of the movies that we watched the most as kids were the Narnia movies, for better or for worse. I can definitely still quote every line.
4// Are you a visual, kinesthetic, or auditory learner?
Visual. I think? It also helps me a looot to read and write stuff so, a little kinesthetic too maybe?
5// What movie are you currently looking forward to watching?
Ummmm. Good question. I have TV shows? Like, Sherlock Christmas special!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the next episode in Agents of SHIELD. Oh, the Star Wars movie (guys confession: I'm not a true star wars fan but I'm really excited and I'm not sure why except for feels?). And these are a long way away but the live action Beauty and the Beast movie and Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them.
6// What is the last item that you purchased?
A latte from a local coffee shop. Typical. Before that, I think it was a candle. Again, typical.
7// What has God said to you recently?
That "now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." And also that his grace is sufficient and made perfect in my weaknesses.
8// Do you like pineapples?
Psh. Yes.
9// What song is in your head?
Man of Sorrows by Hillsong (LOOK IT UP) and probably every Christmas song ever.
10// What is your favorite part about fall?
Just gonna cram a lot into one answer, cause this is a really hard question. Okay, this is hard to describe but just that feeling of fall: crisp air, a cool leading breeze, vibrant, rusty leaves, radiant blue to dark overcast sky, tiny pinpricks of light in the endless chasm of night, sunsets, wide golden fields ready for harvest. Also, it means the holiday season and a break from school is coming. YES.
11// What is the first thing that you think of when you wake up in the morning?
You probably thought this was going to be deep, and profound, and revealing, but usually my first thought is whether I'm going to push snooze or not. Usually yes.

11 facts about me
- This is really hard for me
- I'm listening to a soft jazz backdrop playlist on spotify because destress.
- This last week has been hard because I'm just honestly struggling about whether I should listen to Christmas music or not yet. Like I'm not supposed to yet, but really I think I need to because I'm not sure how I'm going to survive until Thanksgiving break without it.
- I have like dents that look like dimples in my shoulders. The doctors said they were gonna go away within a few days after I was born but nope. still there.
- Just had to turn off my playlist cause I'm in the hall at class and a guy just walked in and that was just weird.
- These are probably just gonna go downhill from here.
- My lit teacher just came by and I got a compliment for my snarkiness on the last lit exam. Goals.
- I literally love her so much. She has 6 boys under the age of something ridiculous and has a dry sense of humor and has her masters in English and Atticus is probably her hero. She just gets me. She is the best.
- I have to go to lit class hehe. So now, I'm gonna list the rules, but obviously I don't care too much about them, so don't stress over them.

the rules:
1// Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
2// Display the award on your blog.
3// Answer 11 questions about yourself, which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
4// Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
5// Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 1000 followers.
6// Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
7// List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.)
8// Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post so that they can learn about it!

my nominees
Abbie at Abbiee
Evelyn at The Raven + The Writer
Olivia at The Cwtch
Katie at The Goodness Revolt
Grace at Totally Graced
Lauren at Loving Our Creator
Autumn at Autumn's Readings & Writings
Elisabeth at A Flyleaf
Rachel at Random Rants by Rcubed


my questions for you:
>> Who is your favorite teacher you've had so far and why?
>> What do you do to destress?
>> What is the first book you remember reading? or If you could choose one children's book to read to your child which would it be?
>> What is the last item you purchased?
>> When and how does your family first begin to celebrate Christmas (if you do)?
>> If you could choose to have any color hair, what would it be?
>> Favorite movie that has come out in the last year (or two, whatevs)?
>> Favorite book of the bible and short bit on why?
>> What time do you usually go to sleep and wake up (psh what even is a sleep schedule)?
>> Which Disney princess do you want to be when you grow up (because we all know this is an important decision that we're going to have to make at some point in our lives)?
>> Well, I thought that I only had to come up with ten questions and I was happy with that last question being my last one, but then I realized I had to do eleven. Soooo. Do you like to color with crayons, markers, or colored pencils?
>> BONUS: why are all these questions so child-ish???????????

space in my heart

there's a space in my heart
where you should've fit in
that your perfect hands
should have colored all in

there's a gap in my mind
where our memories should be
instead there's a shadow
through which i can't see

there's a place in my hand
that is waiting for you
for fingers to intertwine
for a ring to fit too

there's a searching in my eyes
for a face i'll never see
for a face that will never
be searching for me

something kinda new here..last time i did something slightly like this people said they wanted more so here we are?
i actually didn't write this intending on posting it. i was just writing in the middle of some psychology homework when i was having some feels apparently... so how do you feel? ^-^

love is

recently i've been struggling a lot with loving people.
that sounds so simple. it's not, guys. i mean it is, but it's really hard. it's really been showing in how i use my words lately too. if you've been following along with my instagram lately, you'd see that this past week i've started a devotional on the fruits of the spirit. this week was (supposed to be) love. just gonna be honest right here..... *cringe*.. i only really did it half the days i was supposed to. gah.
my plan for the days was this..
day 1: what is love?
day 2: God's love for me
day 3: love for God
day 4: love for God's people
day 5: love for my enemies
just that first monday was so convicting and good. i just went in depth to 1 corinthians 13:4-8. i just looked at every aspect of what God says love is, and it broke me. just read these and ask yourself how it compares to your life and words and thoughts?
love is patient.
love is kind.
love does not envy or boast.
love is not angry or rude. 
love does not insist on his own way.
love is not irritable or resentful.
love does not rejoice at wrong doing but rejoices with the truth.
love bears all things.
love believes all things.
love hopes all things.
love endures all things.
love never ends.
is that what my love looks like to others? my family? my friends? a watching world? to God? this just hit me where i am right now. lately i have not been characterized by patience and unconditional, more by selfishness and irritability. those last four lines just got me. my love has been so conditional lately when God says true love never ends. it just hit me harder when i considered the love of God for me on day 2. his love is
committed, eternal, steadfast // jeremiah 31:3, isaiah 54:10, lamentations 3:22
patient, unconditional // exodus 34:6 
sacrificial, selfless // john 15:13, romans 5:8, john 3:16, galatians 2:20
transforming // 1 john 4:19, 2 corinthians 5:14, revelation 3:19, john 13:34, proverbs 3:12, 1 corinthians 8:3, hebrews 12:6
like wow. he has been all these things to and for me in my sin and unworthiness. how can i not be this to those who have "wronged" me, even those who love me?!
ok i have to run to church, but sorry for the unplanned break i've been taking recently. i miss all of you :') what does love mean to you? and which fruit of the spirit is most difficult for you? i think it's pretty much all of them for me. hahahahahaha but really though.

currently: grateful

wearing // an oversized tshirt and shorts
drinking // lotsss of water and hot tea
laughing at // my stupid sense of humor and when i slightly stumble over my words. and how bae aka my sister always catches it when i do mess up and we die.
cooking // or baking banana chocolate chip muffins for breakfast this morning. so good.
working on // my speech. james really got it right in james 3. my entire life and the lives of those around me can be dictated by what i say. so why is it that i continue to use it in ways that are anything but encouraging or uplifting? also on a clear kind of structure for my devotions (i would soo appreciate any tips!) and and a running schedule.
wanting // some food right now and to go to sleep. such a struggle.
looking forward to // sleepover with baes in the middle of the week because fall break. this should include the office marathons, donuts, target runs, and earl grey tea in abundance. also hanging rock for my sisters' engagement pictures!!!!!!!!! what is life!!!!!!!!!!! also coffee dates with other bae. and maybe (maybe maybe) apple picking and hay rides with lots more baes. and maybe a little early for this but that extra hour of sleep at the start of november OH AND CHRISTMAS TOO.
listening to // football. all the time.
loving // having so much more time this week.
watching // so. much. agents of shield. so stinking good. just started the second season and can we just talk about fitzsimmons please. also clark gregg is bae. (plus season 9 of doctor who. God bless bbc america)
planning // hardly anything because it's fall break and i do what i want. but i do have responsibilities still so i guess just planning for the week ahead. actually a little stressful. O.o
encouraged by // my church and this past sunday. it was so full of goodness. also some time spent in prayer after the service with some friends. also sunshine ^-^
grateful for // my family. second chances and forgiveness. books. sunshine. fall weather. 1 free week of spotify premium. a healthy body. my country. spearmint gum. clear fresh water. barefoot walks. wildflowers. salad. bagels. my bed. pillows. sleep. ok i think it's time for bed.

thanks to emily over at ember grey for this fantastic idea- go check out her post and get linked in! oh, and ps to everyone who commented on my latest post- i finally went back and replied! sorry it took so long- life's been crazy! hoping to get back on schedule this week (psh as if i even have one). this prompt by emily was the perfect one to get me going- short but sweet. thanks for the inspiration! 

what have you guys been grateful for lately?

choose joy

DISCONTENT // I actually wrote my last post at one o'clock this morning after finishing my paper. I actually took this picture over a month ago. I didn't even do the farewell coffee date for the blogtember challenge that I'd been looking forward to since I started the challenge. It's been raining for like 7 days straight. I'm in the library study room. Again. I haven't done devotions today. I've told people I'll pray for them lately and haven't carried through as I should. I want tea. My alarm didn't go off this morning so I woke up late and couldn't shower and woke up irritable because I only had time for a half a bagel for breakfast and probably looked like death. I didn't have time to print out my paper so I was going to do it in class but then we switched classrooms so I had to go to the library and try to figure it out after class time had started and then I forgot my wallet so I had to go back to the classroom and get a quarter and borrow someone else's quarter and it took forever. My family is getting a cold again and I'm sick of being sick. And also a hurricane is on it's way so it's sure to rain consistently for at least another three days. Plus my face is breaking out. Oh and midterms are next week.

CONTENT // On the other side of things, I chose to stay up later than I had to after finishing my paper, just for self care purposes. And it was actually a really renewing time for me. I turned on a sleep playlist, wrote from my heart, pinned the good stuff, and talked a bit to my lovely blogger friend Evelyn. It felt good and I was happy. The coffee date thing is okay- that was the point of my doing the challenge- not to write every single day, but to be inspired to write more. And I did. I wrote 9 posts in September. I would never have made time for those posts without those prompts. I would have completely neglected you all with my ridiculous schedule, but the truth is when I prioritize and work hard, I can do a lot. Maybe not all, but a lot. Also, I like rain actually. And I love the library actually. And God's grace is sufficient for the many, many, countless times that I fail to keep him first. And I can have tea when I get home and it can be lovely if I make it so. The whole paper thing wasn't as bad as it sounds. I survived. Last week when I was sick I got over it in like two days. So I can chill about being sick. A hurricane provides the perfect opportunity for a destressing, family and Jesus filled weekend at home. I can recharge. And I can study, but I can manage my time and make it the best. About midterms- I'll be okay. And after that is fall break. And a weekend of movie nights, coffee shops, and picnics with friends, face-painting for kids, and the week after that a day trip to the mountains with the fam. Also I bought a cookie today, and we discovered a flawless coffee shop downtown. God is ridiculously good.

I spent all day thinking in discontent. Only when I sat down and wrote out this post did I realize how messed up that worldview was. I started this post not planning on having a paragraph on contentedness. Even when I started writing that second paragraph I was writing for the good of my readers- I didn't want you all to leave depressed! But I didn't realize that I needed it just as much as my readers. Probably more. That's part of why I love the blogging community so much. Sitting down and just starting to write some of these things out clears my thoughts so much. It provides accountability and community and turns my thoughts to Jesus.

Today I choose joy. 

What about YOU? What does your life look like when you evaluate it in these terms? What has the blogging community done for you? And what do you do to destress or relax? Any TV shows I should look into? I'll need some tips for this weekend rained in!

autumnal

it's been too long since colors and wind and cool air and sky
give me rakes and the pile of leaves full of kids and laughter and leaves in their hair
give me feet numb with cold from wrestling on the trampoline after dark
give me night falling faster cold bright stars in the blackness
give me sweaters and rain and a book and hot tea
give me bowls and pans and warm light and pumpkin bread and muffins and toasted pumpkin seeds
give me the hot open fire and football on the tv safe inside from the chill of dusk
give me bonfires and marshmallows a face too hot and feet too cold
give me that clear vibrant blue sky not a cloud within sight
give me pumpkins and candles and mountains and journals 
but most of all give me fall 

do not be afraid of them //

then i said “Agh Lord God! look, i don't know how to speak- i am only a youth”  
but the Lord said to me 
“do not say ‘i am only a youth’
for to all to whom i send you

you shall go
and whatever i command you

you shall speak.

do not be afraid of them
for i am with you to deliver you" 

jeremiah 1:6-7 //

did you get that? go back and read it all the way through if you found yourself skipping some words or just scanning it. i do that a lot. read it slowly. hear those words that are meant for you. 

do you hear yourself in jeremiah's voice? i do. it brings all my insecurities and fears to the surface. ever since like forever i've been shy and ever since like before forever i've been scared of and resistant to the idea of evangelism. sharing the gospel has always seemed like such a daunting thing to me. i was and am just like jeremiah. i use excuse after excuse after excuse. why? a lot of times it's because of one of these.

- fear of embarrassment

- fear of misrepresenting the gospel

- fear of rejection 

- fear of failure

are you noticing a trend? it's fear. i am afraid of so many things when God has already set all these fears to rest. look up these verses: psalm 118:6, hebrews 13:6, psalm 27:1, isaiah 43:1. really just google them right now. those are the words God gave you on the fear of man. paul was beaten and stoned and imprisoned and put to shame over and over and over for telling people about the God who loved them enough to die for them in order to give them life in perfection forever. here's what he said.

but I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us // romans 8:18

you know where that fear comes from? it comes from our enemy. the devil uses it time and time again to numb us and mute us so that God won't be glorified and so that his name won't spread and so that people millions and millions of individual humans will die and go to hell. that's a harsh reality to face. don't let fear be the reason you don't tell people about the life that Jesus gives.

but how in the world do you overcome fear? fear is so powerful. but you know what's more powerful? Love. God's love is all-encompassing and safe and so full of grace. 

there is no fear in love. but perfect love drives out fear. // 1 john 4:18

love God and love people. it's that simple. love God enough to really take up your cross and follow him. live the life of a servant that Jesus did. give freely of yourself for Christ's sake. and give freely of yourself for the lost and broken souls around you. love them enough to get past yourself. go out of your comfort zone and speak the raw, beautiful truth to them. show them the love Christ showed to you. and for the love of God in the most respectful way please don't stand off in pride, too disgusted by their sin to draw near to them. Jesus ate with the lowest of people: prostitutes, tax collectors, lepers, and all who were seen as unclean.i see this attitude of hypocrisy and pride in myself all the time. "yeah, i'm a sinner, but not like them. i'm not that bad." this is so incredibly contrary to the truth and beauty of the gospel. do i not remember?

neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,
nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. and such were some of you. but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit. // 1 corinthians 6:11

and this is where love comes in again and again as it always does. in all cases and

above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. // 1 peter 4:8

so, back to the original trail of thought: speak truth in love and share the gospel. think about the individuals around you. remember how empty and dark your life was before Christ came in and filled the emptiness of your life and shed light in all the dark places- that's how they're living. and that's how they will keep living until they find Jesus. and they can't find Jesus unless someone tells them about him. and if they don't find Jesus they will live and die and live in eternity in misery and torment separated from God forever.

so now read the text over. and listen to what he says.

do not say 'i am only a youth'

and you will go 

and you will speak

and do not be afraid of them

and then read those and think about the reasons he gives after each command. and realize that evangelism isn't an option. i don't know why i always see it as that. it's a command. so, go, and speak, and do not be afraid of them cause God is with you and he is with you to deliver you. he is faithful when we are faithless. trust in him<3

DAY 24 // five fave bloggers

YAY. I GET TO INTRODUCE SOME OF MY FAVORITE BLOGGER PEOPLE TO MY OTHER FAVORITE BLOGGER PEOPLE. These blogtember prompts just get me. This might be pretty hard actually. I'll shout out just a few of you wonderful people. Here we go. Oh, and sorry this so short. But if you spend all that extra time reading these beauties' blogs, then it'll make up for my lack of words, I promise. ;) Seriously. They're amazing.

Evelyn // The Raven + The Writer
Abbie // Abbiee
Sophia // Someplace in the Midst
Elisabeth // A Flyleaf
Abigail // Listless

They are all beautiful souls- go check them out and show them some love while you're at it! Who are some of your favorite bloggers?

DAY 23 // guest post from whimsical wanderings

Hello lovely readers of Summer of 1999! It’s Audrey from Whimsical Wanderings here to share with you the perfect DIY for the first day of fall!

All you need for this fun DIY is a mug (I got mine for a dollar at Dollar Tree!) and a paint pen. THAT'S ALL! Seriously, I'm not kidding, that's really all you need. It's so easy!

My favorite paint pens are from Target. The awesome thing about these pens is that you can use them anywhere! Besides drawing on mugs, I use them to draw and write in Bible (my sister calls them my "Bible doodles"), create hand-lettered prints for my gallery wall, and basically make anything look awesome.

I chose this adorable quote because it makes me think of fall. And also because if you know anything about me, you know that I'm obsessed with hot tea and I'm always cold. So basically this quote is my life.

Once you've got your quote of choice on your coffee mug, all that's left is to bake that sucker at 350°F for 30 minutes. Remember to let the mug heat up with the oven and cool down completely before removing it from the oven. 

And you're done. Told you it was easy! Now all you have left to do is make some hot tea, coffee, or anything pumpkin-flavored and enjoy it in your new mug!

Make sure you gently hand-wash your mug to make sure that the design doesn't come off!

I’m so excited to have Olivia taking over my blog today. She’s talking fall wardrobe staples today, so go check it out HERE!

weekend away

Hi everyone! Quick little update to let you guys know that I'm gonna be gone at CFAW (College for a Weekend) at Liberty University for a few days. Look forward to being back at some point early on next week! Since I won't be able to post in this time it provides the perfect opportunity to catch up on my plethora of recent posts in affiliation with the blogtember challenge! Feel free to check it out if you've got time to burn (really though who does these days?!). 

We'll be leaving bright and early tomorrow morning after my 8am classes + exam *groan* so really I should be getting to bed. Especially now that I've realized it already is tomorrow morning. *facepalm* See you beautiful people on the other side! 👋🏼

ps you can keep up with me more over the weekend by following me on Instagram and Twitter right over here >>>

DAY 14 // 5 books that have impacted me

Well, it's 12:00am on Day 15 by the time I'm posting this. I guess I'll have to deal. This is by no means an exhaustive list [REPEAT: BY NO MEANS]. I was tempted to include Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, The Chronicles of Narnia, you know, the usual. All of these have had huge impacts on my life, but I wanted to think a little outside the box for this one. And I really, really was gonna do the Bible (like a lot of you already have), but I decided to slip the Book Thief in there. So, just to clarify, the Bible is so beyond any of these pages of jumbled words listed here, that it deserves it's own list. The Bible will forever be my only truly favorite book, the only book that has the capacity to give me true life, and give it more abundantly.
So, please enjoy!!! Every one of these books means so much to me, and this was such a great post to write. Let me know if any of you have heard of or read any of these and liked or disliked them! Thanks for 40 followers, y'all. ^-^

1 // The Hundred Dresses, by Eleanor Estes
I remember the first time I read this book so distinctly. I was very young. I don't remember how old, but my aunt got it for me. It's really difficult for me to describe the impact it had on me. It's such a thin book full of colors. It's about a girl who wears the same clothes to school everyday and talks about her hundred dresses at home. It's about a girl who's all alone in a crowd full of kids, and eventually, she leaves. It taught me not to go with the crowd, not to miss opportunities, how someone can be taken away from you, and about the importance of reaching out, and so much more. It was a sad book, full of watercolors, and it spoke volumes to me.
2 // Because of Winn Dixie, by Kate DiCamillo
This book is more earthy, doggy, childhood-y. That probably makes no sense if you haven't read it. This book has an openness about it. It makes you want to welcome and love and accept everyone. I shows how once you open yourself up and let others in, you see how bruised and beautiful they really are. It's a real book and it's happy. And there's a big, ugly, wonderful dog in it. I can't tell you how many times I've read it or listened to it on tape. And every time I hear the word melancholy or think of lemon drops or see a tree with bottles hung all in it, I think of Winn Dixie.
3 // Inkheart, by Cornelia Funke
This is the first fiction, fantasy book that I couldn't put down for the life of me. The characters enraptured me, and the story was one I envisioned myself living. The characters were hard, and new, and lovely, and, soft, and cruel, and vulnerable, and so very broken. And again, what always brings me back, is that they were so real. And you felt so much for each of them. Plus those father-daughter relationships just get me. It introduced to me a burning love for fiction and book series and when I read them they still take me back.
4 // To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
Where in the world do I even begin with this book? This book is everything to me. The characters are like the people I grew up with and know like the back of my hand. I've read it several times and have written two literary analysis' on it. My copy is worn and torn and scribbled in with pen. Those pages hold my heart and I don't know what else to tell you, but go read the stinkin book. If I was forced to choose (with a gun to my head, because honestly that's probably the only way I could choose) my "favorite book", I would have to say this one (that is saying a lot, guys. ok? a lot.)
5 // The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak
This book was like no book I have ever read. I don't know what to say. It's a masterpiece. The characters are so there that you feel the wind knocked out of you when they're hurt. You feel the shock of cold water, the smile tugging at your mouth. You smell the smell of those books and you feel the claws of hunger. You feel the thrill of victory, the punch in the gut, the hot pouring tears, and hard lump in your throat, the kind you can't speak or breathe around. It hurts. And the confusion hurts, and the not knowing, and the knowing, and then it heals and hurts with a deeper, duller ache. It's real and it hurts and it's so, so, so good. It's about the words and the colors and the people and the books, and the pain and beauty of it all. It's set in Germany during WWII. Read it.

DAY 12 // currently

Sorry it's been a while, guys! This week has been crazy insane, and so will the next, so I'm not sure I can promise any better but I'll do my best! I've got to take on some responsibility at some point anyway... (psh) I always love reading others' currently posts, and writing them is so much fun. They're also great for when you're not feeling inspired. So, here we go, everything I'm doing now...

 

Reading: And The Mountains Echoed by Kahled Hosseini and Beowulf. Just now starting Beowulf, but literally cannot stop reading And The Mountains Echoed. Wasted a whole morning of studying with my nose in that blasted, beautiful book.

Watching: Agents of Shield on a very inconsistent basis. Still on the first season. *cringe*

Trying: To get back into my routine of devotions. It's ridiculously hard to simply sit down and spend time with the one who created me and loves me more than anyone and died for me?! Sometimes I wonder how that can be.

Cooking: Dinner the other night, but thankfully not tonight. Mom is my favorite.

Eating: Pizza soon!!!!!!!!! Another reason why mom is my favorite.

Drinking: Water and lemonade in mason jars.

Calling: Not calling but called by Liberty University today. My introverted worst nightmare.
Apparently they thought I had applied for online classes (?!?!!?). Heart attack.

Texting: Friends (including bae who blogs over here). Nothing too shocking there. 

Pinning: All the words and bread sticks recipes.

Tweeting: Quotes from my ridiculously comical siblings. And also mental commentary from yours truly. I'm also pretty funny. You can check it out here.

Going: NOWHERE. Literally so thankful to have a Saturday night at home. It's been way, way too long. 

Loving: This house and this rainy day and the warmth of light and the cool air settling in. 

Hating: How fallen our world is and how apparent it is in our world today, especially in recent news of the refugee crisis and further revelations about ISIS.

Discovering: That fall is definitely and by far and exclusively my favorite season. And that I definitely cannot keep up with the blogtember challenge.

Feeling: So happy and content and at home right now.

Hoping for: Me to get my life together and use my time well in the upcoming stressful weeks. And also more time spent in prayer.

Listening to: THIS. Click on the link and thank me later. Seriously. Just do it. You don't even know how much you need it in your life. Found it thanks to the lovely Abi over at listless. It is currently giving me life. Also listening to the yells of boys wrestling and giddy shrieks of girls constructing precariously high towers.

Smelling: Pizza. #goals

Ordering: Nothing at the moment. Just a little bit too poor for that.

Thanking: God for how he's helping me to find joy in the little things and choose joy at the start of every new day. Every little step counts.

Considering: Which picture to use in my post. And also how to spend the rest of my night. Devotions, literature, and hanging out with some family friends who are last minute over for supper. They're seriously the best.

Starting: My lit homework that I should've started Thursday. Whoops.

Finishing: Supper. #blessed. And this blogpost. YAY. *confetti* *fireworks* *blessings* wait what

DAY 6 // stylin

Share your style. What fashion trends do you love, frequent, or avoid? [click on the pictures for clarity]

there's more where that came from here//pinterest

Okay, this is a day late but I could not care less because THIS COLLAGE MAKES ME THE HAPPIEST. I decided to base it mostly on fall/winter fashion because otherwise it would just be too much to fit in, and also fall/winter fashion is the best. Obviously, my style is mostly casual. As in mostly sweatpants, sweatshirts, and lots and lots of gray. Seriously though, like sweaters and flannel all. day. every. day. That is all I wear in the winter.... and sometimes in the summer. I also prefer to not touch my hair. Usually this works out for everyone because it can dry messy and still be presentable. Praise God, because I tend to not brush my hair. If not, messy buns, messy braids, messy anything- that also works. 

Fashion trends I love // I love that it is socially acceptable to wear converse almost anywhere. Also love the fashion trends that make it okay to wear super comfy stuff, but comfy stuff that looks nice. Like basically everything featured above.

Fashion trends I frequent // Combat boots. I have a brown leathery pair. It was pretty much the only pair of shoes I wore last fall. Also super into layering. Especially with chambray.

Fashion trends I avoid // I am so with Bailey on this one. I cannot stand the cropped top trend going on right now. Just no.

While we're still talking about fashion, I guess I should bring this up. Okay, guys. Consultation time. I need advice. My hair's getting pretty long at this point, and I'm kind of dying to get if cut off but kind of thinking that I want to keep it growing out a little longer but I just. Don't. Know. This is the cut I'm wanting. I don't think I'd regret it. But at the same time my hairs at a good length. Like I don't even have to do anything to it. I literally fell asleep with soaking wet hair Saturday night and woke up Sunday with loose curls. I didn't even brush it. But anyway. I just don't know. Sorry for ranting. Let me know what you guys think.

Also DAY 7 challenge is to explain the title of your blog. I was born in the summer of 1999. That's pretty much it. Heh.

PS // Honestly getting way too excited over Season 9 of Doctor Who and The Scorch Trials coming out so soon. What even. 

DAY 5 // on shuffle

SO I'M BACK FOR DAY 5|| Sorry I haven't been keeping up completely for this challenge- I've already missed some I wanted to do! But that's what I expected and at least I'm being inspired to do this short post. And, hey, without this challenge I probably wouldn't have posted all week. So, really, this is an accomplishment. The prompt is to put your iPhone on shuffle and share the first 10 songs that play. I love short, but sweet posts like this, and I love finding new music, because music is my fave. And I'll admit to it- I changed a couple songs. Sorry guys I just couldn't resist. I just hate for these things to not accurately represent my taste in music. Do any of you like any of these songs/artists/albums???? And if not, what all do you guys listen to? I love getting music recommendations especially from all of you, because you seem to have flawless taste.♥
oh, and please excuse the terrible quality photo- I don't know what's wrong with the quality on here.

The A Team - Ed Sheeran // +
Dirty Water - Lecrae // Anomaly
A Thunder Battle - Howard Shore // The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Everybody Wants To Rule the World - Lorde // Catching Fire
Arms - Christina Perri // Lovestrong
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) - Hillsong UNITED // Zion

Begin Again - Taylor Swift // Red
Human - Christina Perri // Head or Heart
Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Tammi Terrell // Awesome Mix Vol. 1
Deliverance - Brian Tyler // Thor: The Dark World

DAY 1 // blogtember challenge

SO, I just found out about this fabulous challenge through Audrey's post on Whimsical Wanderings yesterday (check it out it's super cute).You can find Bailey's original post here to get involved! She provided a list of prompts for everyday of September and they all look like so much fun. Unfortunately I'm starting a day late because of who I am as a person, but bear with me for a bit as I briefly introduce myself before getting to the good stuff in the days to come...

>> I am the second oldest of six kids- wow, such a turnoff for the first fact of me. It gets better I promise.
>> I spent an embarrassing amount of my childhood knocking on the backs of wardrobes and pushing through coat closets. #narniaprobs
>> I hate internet explorer. I know that's pretty much the same for anyone in their right mind but I just feel the need to point that out.
>> Flannel.
>> I think books are the heart and soul of a room. (I was gonna say bookshelves but then I realized how dusty mine are and thought I'd just go with books)
>> Instagram is by far my favorite form of social media.
>> DISNEY WORLD. And just all things Disney.
>> The dollar section of Target is where I belong.
>> And the office section of Target.
>> Oh and while we're at it, also the Chickfila right beside Target.
>> I'm the only hazel eyed one in my family. The rest are blue-eyed babes.
>> I live for fall.
>> And also Jesus. Mostly Jesus. Okay all for Jesus. Scratch that last point.
>> I prefer not to get too deep into this but I'm a bit of a fangirl. There. It's out. Sherlock, Doctor Who, Merlin, LOTR/Tolkien, Harry Potter, Marvel, Hemingway, you name it. Also just anything BBC.
>> I have a weakness for bagels, muffins, cinnamon rolls, and waffles. Some people just don't eat breakfast. Still searching for understanding..... HOW.
>> Foxes are my favorite.
>> Candles.
>> At this point I'm just looking around my room trying to find something to talk about, so I think I'm just gonna be done.

Whoa I'm actually really surprised at how much fun that was!!! Yay. So excited to get started on some of these other prompts, even if I'm a day late on the first one! Don't count on me posting everyday, but I'll do my best to keep up at least a few days of the week. Bailey's challenge came at the perfect time as the school year gets kicked off. Hopefully, this will give me some inspiration and motivation to just sit down and write as things get more and more chaotic.
Anyway, happy 2nd of September, y'all ^-^ And let me know in the comments if any of you decide to this challenge along with me!