I wrote this for a friend

I keep looking for myself elsewhere

People keep telling me to keep looking 

But I keep losing myself elsewhere

I don't know how that happens when

I've never even felt like I've found

myself

enough to lose

myself

Yet I keep looking and losing but 

for once I would like to find something 

worth keeping

to be found

worth keeping

The darkening makes

me feel worth

discarding

It's lonely here

But you find me here

Over and over again

You walk with me

On paths my feet know too well

Through the dark all night

The dawning makes

me feel worth

something

Maybe everything

Because you gave everything to

Find me and

Keep me and

Show me that you

Found me

Worth keeping–

Till the end

"I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

only tonight

I catch my breath 
As the air pours through the windows

And it hits me out of the nowhere

How many more times in my life will I get this view on a night like this

When the fields smell of fresh grass and damp earth and old hay
And the crickets are singing
To the darkness or the moon or each other

How many more drives home 
When home is a simple word 
When home is a place with people you love 
And it is home

It hits me like a bag of cement to the gut
You’re going to miss this

Everything is changing
And it happens so fast
And we wish it away
For the next the better the best

But it never comes 
Because there is only today 

And today is all we get

Only tonight-
The thin clouds
The lone star
The invisible brightness
Headlights on the road
One hour down
On the way home
On the threshold of summer

Because all of a sudden two years from now is a week from Tuesday 
And nothing's ever going to be the same

So let me breathe in the air
And let tonight be tonight
Let me drive the roads of monotony
And let it settle in my bones
Let me feel it while it’s here
Let me ache let me cry let me bang my head against the steering wheel turn the music up run my hands through my hair and be still 

Let me know that I am alive
And these are the days
These are my days
God-- don’t let them slip away

what if

I remember asking my Dad
Nervous 
Riding in his truck

What was the last thing
Do you remember the last time
The last thing your mom said to you
Before she died

Because what if
Because just in case
Because you never know

Because what if I don't remember
What if I forget

How many times have I 
Tried to brand a memory 
Into my brain, a moment in time

How many have I forgotten?

Eternity is written on our hearts,
But pales in comparison to our own finiteness.

I'm scared of the payphone
Cutting out with no warning

Too many insignificant goodbyes
I love you's, see you later
Ok I'm leaving now

Missed opportunities

Until it was significant
And you missed it
And you're left scrambling-- 

Did I say I love you?
If I can't remember did I even really mean it?

...

You're in an other room right now
and I hope you know I love you
Today right now every moment

Every time you walk out that damn door

so I don't have to

I love you for the way

you look me in my eyes

and try to hide what you want

so I don't have to

I try to hide my smile 

and you ask why

but I lie and say it's nothing

cause I don't have the words to say what that means

JUSTRYLIE.COM

how to: feel

I am gripping my pen tightly

and laying stiff on my bed

An airplane buzzes by overhead

and YouTube plays in the room over

My shoulders ache, my lungs burn, my hands cramp

from the effort of diving deep

and still I have nothing to show

The clouds come and go

and cars pass by undisturbed

and I am trying to learn how to feel

thursday night

You play guitar and it sounds like it used to

But it’s not the same 

You play your records and you sit on your bed

And nothing is the same

You’re looking in the shadows for the light 

It weeps behind you as you scramble in the darkness of your own shadow

And it is not enough

You want to believe that it is enough

You want her to be enough

You just want to be enough 

And you want to believe so bad 

But your chest aches from the effort of it

And faith turns to dust in the face of the world

And you wonder what else is made of dust 

And wonder how long till you are

You try to remember the last time you weren’t lost

But the guitar sounds like rain on the roof

And the record sound prickles the air

And you can’t remember so you focus on these things

And so it goes

And goes

And goes

Until suddenly it doesn't

[ Your iCloud storage is full ] 

my soul knows it

your works are wonderful- 

in me, in my soul, in my body.

your works are wonderful-

in the way my hand holds this pen 

and the mess from my mind

spills onto this page.

your works are wonderful-

in the length of my legs

and the color of my eyes

and the thinness of my lips.

your works are wonderful- 

in how you led me to yourself

opened my eyes

and made me walk in the light.

your works are wonderful-

in my hands' caring for others 

in the tears I wish away

in the peace and unrest I carry with me at all times

your works are wonderful-

my soul knows it very well.

psalm 139:14.