Friday, November 27, 2015

priceless time //

these past few days have been so full but i hope this will be quick.
i'm thankful for so much. especially for traditions, old and new, and family to make them with. i'm thankful for 6 hours driving to have a thanksgiving lunch with one side of the family and dinner with the other side. i'm thankful for small houses full of too many people and too much food and just enough love. i'm thankful for long drives listening to christmas music for the first time all year. i'm thankful for full days and late nights and chilly air and full moons and bright stars. the adrenaline of night air filling your lungs, chasing each other in the bright dark. i'm thankful for reunions with cousins who lived next door, after too many months and too many miles in between. i'm thankful for drives in the truck to pick up a tree in the late afternoon, through woods and fields. i'm thankful for thanksgiving leftovers, campfires, christmas list making, tree decorating, and a fluffy new comforter to come home to at the end of the day. i'm thankful for the leisure to actually paint my nails, dust my bookshelves, go through old notebooks, for the first time in ages to not have something i have to do.
i'm thankful for time. to invest in people, to make mistakes, to learn from them, to know my Jesus better, to finish books, to just be. time is a gift. don't forget to treasure it. don't let yourself miss it, because before you know it you'll be wishing you were back here, with these special humans, precious moments, and priceless time.

every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change // james 1:17

Sunday, November 22, 2015

gratitude tag

What is gratitude?
It is the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.
Often times we forget to show gratitude to one another. Our everyday life struggles get in the way of focusing on what we have and what we can do to show appreciation to one another. Thanksgiving isn't the only time to be reminded of what we are grateful for. We need to be reminded of the people and things that are important to us.With that, I give you the Gratitude Tag! Unlike tags that are centered around the things about thanksgiving (food and black Friday) this is a tag you can do any time of the year.

- Vanessa at Simply Me

1// What is your favorite quote or verse that reminds you to be grateful?
One that isn't directly talking about gratitude, but indirectly affects it is this: "Comparison is the thief of joy." That one always just punches me in the gut because it's so true. Comparing myself, my situation, or my belongings to others dissolves any gratitude I have for those what God has given me. Also that quote "There are people who would love to have your bad days." It's hard to comprehend how incredibly blessed and privileged I am. And 1 Thessalonians 5:18!

2// Who are you grateful for? 
Agh so many people. I'm so thankful for my family and my extended family. They're just the best. And my church family. And just friends. And my sister, especially, who I'm learning to appreciate even more as we plan for her wedding in June. :')

3// What life events are you grateful for?
That's a tough one.. I'm really grateful for the local mission trip our church organized this past summer. It brought all of us so much closer and God just did amazing things through it. 

 4// What is something you are grateful for but often times don't think about?
Whoaaa so many. Um, my bed (♥), a body and mind that are fully functional and capable of learning, the ability to get an education and learn so much, living in a democracy and relative security, air conditioning, and like Vanessa said, FOOD.

5// What are you going to do to show people your gratitude towards them?

Kind of tagging along to what Vanessa said, I tend to be proud or unwilling to admit that I need other people. So, when they do help, or support, or show love for me, I oftentimes resist the urge to thank them or show my gratitude towards, because I want to believe I don't need them or something? I've never really thought through or articulated this before, and it's sounding really foolish (cause it is o.o) but it's definitely something that should change. I do need people and I really am so grateful for the people in my life. It's inconsiderate to them not to show that to them. 

Thanks so much to Vanessa for tagging me! This was such a fun and beneficial post to write ^-^ To spread the word about this fabulous tag, I'll tag 5 others (hopefully I'm not overwhelming some of you that I tagged in my liebster award post too *nervous laughter*)

Abby at Abby and the Pens
Lauren at Loving our Creator
Leah at Princess Leah
Audrey at Whimsical Wanderings
Grace at Totally Graced
And anyone else who's up for it ^-^

Saturday, November 21, 2015

breathe //

I trip outside and down the road in a rush of adrenaline. 
The sky burns with a thousand shades of pink and orange and red sun, sketching silhouettes of thin, thick trees older than I am. 
I came to take pictures. I take them, looking on through a poor mirror of the image in an electronic screen.
Then I put it down.
It's quiet.
I breathe.
My eyes feel insufficient to take it all in. Colors smearing into each other to a dark blue. The moon shining a blurry, silver crescent hundreds of thousands of miles away. The field stretches to woods, full of thick grass and fox tails and wet dirt and weeds. A red light flashes above the heavy piled clouds on the horizon, a lone airplane headed east. Bats flitter by overhead. Crickets chirp. The sound of cars zooming by in the distance, always rushed, always hurried, always somewhere to be, late.
The sun has all but disappeared, sinking too fast in perfect time below the horizon, as it does everyday. Another sunset for someone else, another sunrise for another. A thick fog rises across the field, cloaking the ground and trees in a misty gray. The moon continues to rise, waiting patiently on the retreating light. 
The air is cool and wet. The night is dark. The clouds, dark and looming, pile higher, the fog steadily advancing. The flashing light of the airplane is nowhere to be seen, the small lives and beating hearts on board forgotten. My feet turn to walk home, my beating heart left behind, too busy feeling for the other confused, hurting hearts in this huge minuscule world.
We're so small and so lost and so loved. God is so close. Why do we resist him? "He will fight for you- you need only be still." 
I breathe.
I don't understand a lot lately, and I feel it. I know and control so very little. But this I know-
"I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth." 

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

liebster award // nomination

OK. LIEBSTER AWARD ROUND TWO. Thanks so much to Hannah over at Grace in Everything for nominating me! She chose the best questions ever. ^-^ Here are my responses!!! So much fun to answer.

1// Who is your favorite Disney Princess now and has it ever changed?
Belle. Not that I can think of. I've always been sleeping beauty, but I never liked her. Or her personality. Or the movie. I've always loved Belle's personality, prince, and movie. Also I cry every time I hear Tale as Old as Time so there's that.
2// How do you style your hair?
Gah. Lots of different ways but they're all super fast and easy. Sometimes I braid it or put it in a bun or ponytail or just a bed head (which I promise is not that bad). None of these take more than like a minute. If I'm really feeling like trying I straighten it which takes a while because I have super thick hair. But then it's so much less suffocating. So I guess it's worth it. ;)
3// What was your favorite childhood show or movie?
Oh my worddddd. Are you serious? This is way too hard. So, basically anything Disney. Literally anything. Or Disney Pixar. The first movie that came to mind when I saw this was Fox and the Hound, although I would strongly recommend caution in watching this film because so many feels. Also, Sound of Music and Mary Poppins because obviously and Julie Andrews. The Patriot was one I saw a little bit older but definitely still in my childhood and alskdgj. Wow. That movie. And some of the movies that we watched the most as kids were the Narnia movies, for better or for worse. I can definitely still quote every line.
4// Are you a visual, kinesthetic, or auditory learner?
Visual. I think? It also helps me a looot to read and write stuff so, a little kinesthetic too maybe?
5// What movie are you currently looking forward to watching?
Ummmm. Good question. I have TV shows? Like, Sherlock Christmas special!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the next episode in Agents of SHIELD. Oh, the Star Wars movie (guys confession: I'm not a true star wars fan but I'm really excited and I'm not sure why except for feels?). And these are a long way away but the live action Beauty and the Beast movie and Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them.
6// What is the last item that you purchased?
A latte from a local coffee shop. Typical. Before that, I think it was a candle. Again, typical.
7// What has God said to you recently?
That "now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." And also that his grace is sufficient and made perfect in my weaknesses.
8// Do you like pineapples?
Psh. Yes.
9// What song is in your head?
Man of Sorrows by Hillsong (LOOK IT UP) and probably every Christmas song ever.
10// What is your favorite part about fall?
Just gonna cram a lot into one answer, cause this is a really hard question. Okay, this is hard to describe but just that feeling of fall: crisp air, a cool leading breeze, vibrant, rusty leaves, radiant blue to dark overcast sky, tiny pinpricks of light in the endless chasm of night, sunsets, wide golden fields ready for harvest. Also, it means the holiday season and a break from school is coming. YES.
11// What is the first thing that you think of when you wake up in the morning?
You probably thought this was going to be deep, and profound, and revealing, but usually my first thought is whether I'm going to push snooze or not. Usually yes.

11 facts about me
- This is really hard for me
- I'm listening to a soft jazz backdrop playlist on spotify because destress.
- This last week has been hard because I'm just honestly struggling about whether I should listen to Christmas music or not yet. Like I'm not supposed to yet, but really I think I need to because I'm not sure how I'm going to survive until Thanksgiving break without it.
- I have like dents that look like dimples in my shoulders. The doctors said they were gonna go away within a few days after I was born but nope. still there.
- Just had to turn off my playlist cause I'm in the hall at class and a guy just walked in and that was just weird.
- These are probably just gonna go downhill from here.
- My lit teacher just came by and I got a compliment for my snarkiness on the last lit exam. Goals.
- I literally love her so much. She has 6 boys under the age of something ridiculous and has a dry sense of humor and has her masters in English and Atticus is probably her hero. She just gets me. She is the best.
- I have to go to lit class hehe. So now, I'm gonna list the rules, but obviously I don't care too much about them, so don't stress over them.

the rules:
1// Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
2// Display the award on your blog.
3// Answer 11 questions about yourself, which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
4// Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
5// Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 1000 followers.
6// Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
7// List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.)
8// Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post so that they can learn about it!

my nominees
Abbie at Abbiee
Evelyn at The Raven + The Writer
Olivia at The Cwtch
Katie at The Goodness Revolt
Grace at Totally Graced
Lauren at Loving Our Creator
Autumn at Autumn's Readings & Writings
Elisabeth at A Flyleaf
Rachel at Random Rants by Rcubed

my questions for you:
>> Who is your favorite teacher you've had so far and why?
>> What do you do to destress?
>> What is the first book you remember reading? or If you could choose one children's book to read to your child which would it be?
>> What is the last item you purchased?
>> When and how does your family first begin to celebrate Christmas (if you do)?
>> If you could choose to have any color hair, what would it be?
>> Favorite movie that has come out in the last year (or two, whatevs)?
>> Favorite book of the bible and short bit on why?
>> What time do you usually go to sleep and wake up (psh what even is a sleep schedule)?
>> Which Disney princess do you want to be when you grow up (because we all know this is an important decision that we're going to have to make at some point in our lives)?
>> Well, I thought that I only had to come up with ten questions and I was happy with that last question being my last one, but then I realized I had to do eleven. Soooo. Do you like to color with crayons, markers, or colored pencils?
>> BONUS: why are all these questions so child-ish???????????

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

space in my heart

there's a space in my heart
where you should've fit in
that your perfect hands
should have colored all in

there's a gap in my mind
where our memories should be
instead there's a shadow
through which i can't see

there's a place in my hand
that is waiting for you
for fingers to intertwine
for a ring to fit too

there's a searching in my eyes
for a face i'll never see
for a face that will never
be searching for me

something kinda new here..last time i did something slightly like this people said they wanted more so here we are?
i actually didn't write this intending on posting it. i was just writing in the middle of some psychology homework when i was having some feels apparently... so how do you feel? ^-^

Sunday, November 1, 2015

love is

recently i've been struggling a lot with loving people.
that sounds so simple. it's not, guys. i mean it is, but it's really hard. it's really been showing in how i use my words lately too. if you've been following along with my instagram lately, you'd see that this past week i've started a devotional on the fruits of the spirit. this week was (supposed to be) love. just gonna be honest right here..... *cringe*.. i only really did it half the days i was supposed to. gah.
my plan for the days was this..
day 1: what is love?
day 2: God's love for me
day 3: love for God
day 4: love for God's people
day 5: love for my enemies
just that first monday was so convicting and good. i just went in depth to 1 corinthians 13:4-8. i just looked at every aspect of what God says love is, and it broke me. just read these and ask yourself how it compares to your life and words and thoughts?
love is patient.
love is kind.
love does not envy or boast.
love is not angry or rude. 
love does not insist on his own way.
love is not irritable or resentful.
love does not rejoice at wrong doing but rejoices with the truth.
love bears all things.
love believes all things.
love hopes all things.
love endures all things.
love never ends.
is that what my love looks like to others? my family? my friends? a watching world? to God? this just hit me where i am right now. lately i have not been characterized by patience and unconditional, more by selfishness and irritability. those last four lines just got me. my love has been so conditional lately when God says true love never ends. it just hit me harder when i considered the love of God for me on day 2. his love is
committed, eternal, steadfast // jeremiah 31:3, isaiah 54:10, lamentations 3:22
patient, unconditional // exodus 34:6 
sacrificial, selfless // john 15:13, romans 5:8, john 3:16, galatians 2:20
transforming // 1 john 4:19, 2 corinthians 5:14, revelation 3:19, john 13:34, proverbs 3:12, 1 corinthians 8:3, hebrews 12:6
like wow. he has been all these things to and for me in my sin and unworthiness. how can i not be this to those who have "wronged" me, even those who love me?!
ok i have to run to church, but sorry for the unplanned break i've been taking recently. i miss all of you :') what does love mean to you? and which fruit of the spirit is most difficult for you? i think it's pretty much all of them for me. hahahahahaha but really though.