Monday, October 20, 2014

late night musings

Well, fall break is over now. But that doesn't have to stop me from staying up until 2 in the morning to finish a book that I'm reading, does it? And even after that I couldn't sleep. So I started scribbling down thoughts, because... well, what else do you do late at night after you just finished an incredible book?

So, here's some late night musings for you [actually I'm kind of hoping it's just me that reads this, because I kind of see this as a journal type thing, where I can just get random thoughts out there. so let's just hope this doesn't go viral-- hah. But anyway this is beside the point......... please carry on.]


Can I just say that I love staying up late at night reading? There's such a sense of reckless abandon, and freedom. Everything else becomes a dream; the only reality is the one you hold in your hand. An electric sense of awareness awakens within you. As if you could go on forever.

But when the words dry up on the last of the pages, you feel the opposite affect. The adrenaline surges through your veins, the spirit of adventure pounding in your bloodstream. Anything is possible with bright pins of light  hanging just outside your window, tacked onto a sea of empty space. The words calling your name.

You tremble
On the brink of an adventure--
           a mere whisper of a breeze,
           one brilliant, dazzling surge of bravery,

                                      and you're off.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

hello, fall break

Aaaaaand my legs are completely covered in mosquito bites [oh, those pesthky mosthquitosth]. Excuse me while I smother them in Hyrdrocortisone.

It still feels fabulous, even after having warmed up over the past few days.

i s a i a h  5 5:9
Let's just go ahead and get to the point of this post. I have no idea why God is so good to me. I am literally just so baffled and overwhelmed right now. Just.... everything. His love is so much greater than my mind can even comprehend.
But more than just his general blessings, he has given me so much more. And I'm so. freaking ungrateful. I'm always discontent. What is this.
I deserve to be unendingly burnt up in Hell for all eternity in incomprehensible  physical/mental anguish. Do I ever really let that sink in? I'm afraid that I don't have an appropriate level of disgust and revulsion at the ugliness of my sin. But in spite of who and what I am, God chose to love me. He sent his only perfect son to die for me on a cross built by the hands of the very people he created. I can't even understand. And because of him, I have an eternity with him to look forward to, free from the bonds of sin.
And NOW, he's given me everything I could ask for and so much more. Okay, now I'm really tempted to do one of those thanksgiving posts, but I feel like that would be inappropriate since it's just early October [you know how inappropriate it is to thank God for anything when you're not in the month of November].
I feel like I could go on about this forever just being like: "how even?!', 'what is life', 'how do I handle it', or 'just....' but I should get back to school.
I guess it's always good to remind myself of my own sin [especially my self-absorption and discontent] and even better to remind myself of God's goodness. And don't worry. I'll be sure to post a thanksgiving one closer to the end of November.
Okay, now we've got some football going on in the front yard and a fire right off the porch. Goodbye, computer. Hello, fall break. [just kidding. I'll be working on my lab report by the fire]

Thursday, October 2, 2014

october // another school month

I'm sitting outside on our tiny back porch with the laptop overlooking a bit of mulch, a bit of grass, and a lot of trees (not including our woodpile).

As usual, I should probably be doing school, but I just got out of the shower and this weather is way too distracting. Not quite fall. But cool enough to sit outside comfortably.

Anyway, back to school. I'm not really sure how I feel about school. At times, I'm convinced I enjoy it. But at others [interrupts train of thought to yell "ew" at our dog, whose trying to get some attention from inside the house. she's extremely odd.] I don't really know. Overall, I'm pretty sure I like it. I do pretty well in my classes [don't even think about thinking about math in this context].

I really, really enjoyed my last year of history/literature. It was all centered around the 20th century. AGH. I LOVE IT. For one thing, I had never studied that era of history before, which is insane seeing as how I've studied the 18/19th centuries about 10983287 trillion times in my life. That era of history is so telling and fascinating to me. I'm not really sure why. Maybe I would have the same level of fascination with the rest of history if I hadn't truly studied it until now. I kind of wish I could do that...... hmh.

Anyway, I feel like the study of that time period gave me some context so that I could look at present history with new eyes. So I could see how we got [you should know I just flailed at a mosquito and managed to kill it] where we are. Also, it gives me so much more respect for all those generations who came before me. It makes me want to be sure that their sacrifices weren't in vain.

And it made me see the fallen-ness of man in a new lights. We are capable of a lot more crap than we realize. It made me thankful that God holds all of humanity back. And for some of us, he saves us from it all. Yeah, Hitler ad Stalin were really bad. But we could all be like that if not for God.
Praise God for God.

Well, this has turned out a *bit* longer than I had planned on. But that's fine. Let me just read over it and cut half of what I said.

[Oh, and I forgot to mention earlier: LITERATURE. Guys, we read Hemingway, Tolkien, Fitzgerald, Steinbeck, Lee, O'Conner, Bradbury, and more. How did I even handle it. I don't even know.]

I could go on for so much longer just getting random stuff out of my head and onto paper. I'm starting to feel kind of happy about this blog though. Cause no one will probably see it and I can just get stuff out whenever I want. yay.

So, this has been nice. But right now my family is about to put the new mat on the trampoline (aka Dad is still inside watching the news but the boys are eagerly waiting), so I will return!