Sunday, January 24, 2016

take my whole life too

if you wanna skip to the end, there's a song for this post. you can play it as a soundtrack while you read. also I was a little emotional writing this, sorry about that (and the messed up grammar that comes with it). oh, and I updated my about page (finally)! go ahead and check that out too. ok I'm gonna go *hands mic over to myself*
tonight we talked with my great grandma for a long time about history, history that to her, is her life. it hurts because I can't go back. I can't know what it was like and it hurts because she'll be gone before I know it and that wealth of knowledge, and memories, and love, and life, and heartbreak- it'll be gone.
and there won't be anyone left to tell us about how she was 9 and woke up at 4 to weed the tobacco in the summer. or about how she and her 13 siblings used to build forts and see who could jump farthest across the creek. there won't be anyone to tell about that time she purposefully disobeyed her dad and led her friends and siblings and climbed the huge pile of straw and jumped to swing across the limb of a great old oak to the next stack and saw her daddy standing there between the two stacks and had a heart attack and shouted for the others and ran for her life. and then how he never mentioned it to them. how he never beat one of his kids in his life. there won't be anyone to tell how her daddy went down to the local store and talked with his friends nearly every saturday, how he always brought back candy to share. or how her younger brother Graham used to make faces at the dinner table behind her daddy's back so she'd laugh  while he remained perfectly straight faced and get in trouble and then try not to laugh and then make eye contact with a sibling and not be able to hold it in and then get in trouble again. there won't be anyone to tell how the flour was better then, how her biscuits aren't the same. how magical christmas time was during the great depression, how they all set shoe boxes out on the table to come downstairs in the morning to find them full. how their farm was always open to anyone with it's 10 girls and 4 boys, how people cared more about other people, enough to slow down.
there won't be anyone to tell what it was like getting married young, having her husband go off to world war II and writing letters everyday. what it was like to have him gone when her first girl was born, gone for christmas, gone for years. no one to tell what it meant to have a third child mentally handicapped, to still be caring for her at age 94. she won't be there to tell what it was to have her husband to die young. to have her firstborn, my nanny to die in her early forties from stage 4 breast cancer. Nanny, whose siblings don't remember ever having a bad word with her, whose kids never remember her losing her temper, who married her high school sweetheart. everyone who knew her says she was an angel on earth the most selfless and patient person they knew and I never got to meet her. she's the reason my dad cries every time he reads the end of voyage of the dawn treader. there won't be anyone to tell me what it is for nearly all your friends and siblings to die before you, what it is to be in so many funeral homes so many times. one day, she just won't be here anymore and it shatters my broken heart. she loves, and gives, and pours everything in her heart out on every little person that walks through her door. she's given me more than I could ever hope to give back. I want to give back. I want to listen, and I want to remember, and I want the world to know
that my grandma is one of the strongest, most beautiful, most loving giving hardworking incredible humans in the world. I want to write a book, I want to read a biography of her. she makes me want to remember it all.
maybe that's why I cried listening to twenty one pilots version of can't help falling in love. I didn't know why I was starting to cry. but I think it's cause a long time ago on the brink of my memory, my dad played and listened to and sang Elvis' version of the song when I was little. and it hurt cause I couldn't remember and it's sweet and it makes me sad that I won't remember all the beautiful beautiful things and memories that I've been given. and I want to. I love this messy, cracked, and broken life. I love it so much and I want to make the best of it. I want to be remembered for the little things that, in the end, became the biggest. I want to slow down I want to care and appreciate and not conform to the world. I'll always remember one thing she's said, "people say the world has changed, but it's not the world. it's the people." don't let the world change you. or as my Granny would say, don't let people change you. God, take my hand. take my whole life, too. cause I can't do any of this without you.

so y'all know i was crying lots writing this. like, I miss my nanny. even if I never had her to miss and even when I don't admit it. and I'm scared for when I start missing Granny. anyway, here's twenty one pilot's cover // listen to that while you read.. maybe it'll help. that's what I did while writing. love you all xx

Saturday, January 16, 2016

winter // mood board

hi guys. so this past week has been that one week of the month and i've had a cold and started classes and that combination seems to have sucked any energy or writing ability out of me. getting all these feels. hahahahahahahahhaahaha i promise i'm fine. anyway, since the words are all just jammed up somewhere in my mind, i thought i'd channel my creativity elsewhere. i'm trying desperately not to despair over the eternity that is winter, so i tried to switch it to thinking about the good vibes of winter. so here's the product! all these lovely pins can be found on my pinterest account here. my pinterest account is super awesome. it makes me seem way cooler than i actually am in real life so you should check it out.
what is your favorite part about winter? do you like winter or are you despairing over it's eternity too? what's your favorite season? any tips on staying warm and cozy and happy during the short, cold days?

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

create-a-gram // silver mess

SO GUYS. Guess what. One of my favorite blogger friends is launching her new website and it's stunning!!!!!!!! Rachel has a fantastic sense of humor, is a ridiculously gifted writer, and is a genius for everything creativity. Which is why I'm so excited about her new and more focused website! But I won't go on and on about that. Feel free to read about it below and find out how to make your Instagram look the best it's ever been. Check out the new SILVER MESS now!

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Hey there! My name is Rachel Alison, and in lieu of launching my latest website, Silver Mess, Olivia has graciously allowed me to guest post on her blog!
    Silver Mess is all about creativity, and how it pertains to all areas of life--style, art, music, film, literature, architecture, photography, and more. Since Olivia and I are both avid Instagram users, I thought it would be cool to post on how hard-core Instagrammers create content to post on their accounts.
    Instagram is often stereotyped as a shallow institution, one that exists for the sole purpose of middle- and high-school girls posting duck-faced selfies on it. However, once I opened a public account myself and started following people, I realized that, in certain circles, it’s so much more than that. There is an art to using Instagram: people have gotten quite inventive in ways that they market themselves or their brands.
    For example, the way Brandy Melville markets itself is absolutely genius--they’re active on Instagram, hire models who not only look good but have active, matching Instagram feeds as well, and, consequently, reach the millions of teenage girls who use Instagram on an hourly basis.
    And then there’s the whole art to matching one’s feed. Many times, public Instagrammers align their pictures under a common “theme” to attract attention and gain followers. (Would you rather follow an Instagram account with pretty pictures or mismatched selfies?)
    For some reason, I find the process of matching my own Instagram feed fascinating. Trying to figure out which filter looks best on my pictures, playing around with the Contrast and Exposure, Sharpen and Temperature tools on the VSCO app, trying to make one’s feed as aesthetically pleasing as possible--it’s fun for me, and doubtless for other Instagrammers as well. I also love looking at people’s Instagram feeds, wondering how on earth they can so artfully match mismatched pictures. I love discussing how to make one’s Instagram feed match.
    It’s not just for the number of likes or followers, although those do play into account too. It’s the entire creative process behind editing and photography, how to make the mundane seem insane, how to define one’s own personal style through P5 (currently my favorite filter). How do you show color through black-and-white? How do you make yourself seem perfect when you’re really not?
    And that’s why I’ve begun to love Instagram. Not only can I keep in touch with old friends, but I can also share pieces of my life and somehow fit them together in one giant marvelous puzzle piece. Even though my life is sometimes a mess, piecing together my Instagram feed reminds me of who I am in Christ, what work is waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.
    And besides, He made me to create. Creativity plays into a large factor of life, and it gives me pleasure when I can create. And when I create something beautiful and Christ-glorifying, it gives God pleasure as well.
    Even if it’s just on Instagram.

Some other Instagrammers that I love include…
There’s something about Olivia’s Instagram feed that I just really like. It’s warm, it’s cozy, it’s homey, and it’s adventurous. If you’re into shots of coffee mugs and inspirational quotes, follow Olivia → @Summerof1999Blog (And yes, I’m very well aware that I’m shouting out her Insta on her own blog. But seriously. You should follow her.)


Ella is one of my good friends, and she’s insanely talented. Her feeds (both her private and her public) are impeccable. @Lifedoings is her public, and her pictures of architecture and food are seriously on point. I’m not even saying this just because I’m her friend---I genuinely love looking at Ella’s feed. (See the picture of the chair and the window? That’s at my house! And also, the cafe picture on the bottom right corner was taken when I was with her.) *Note: Her username used to be @EllaMCho, but she changed it since the making of the collage*
Sabrina Carpenter is one of my favorite celebrities, not just because she’s an awesome actress and singer, but also because she just seems so chill and vintage. Her feed isn’t starkly matchy-matchy, but there’s just something about it that goes together. Maybe it’s the warm tones or the consistent black-and-white, but I just love her feed.


And, naturally, I have to shout myself out (@SilverMess if you didn’t see the white lettering at the top of the picture). Currently I’ve got a stark contrast of black and white and gray going on, but I have an idea for an Instagram feed that will take time to build and grow...but that’s all the detail I’m going to give you because I’d love to see have you guys along for the journey.

Thank you so much for reading! This is the third day of the Silver Mess Blog Tour-Nado, and if you’d like to see other posts I’ve done on other blogs, click here.

Also, I’m holding a GIVEAWAY! (Unfortunately, this giveaway is only open to U.S. residents; I’m so sorry! But...I’m a starving high school student.) Enter down below!

You can click here for a full list of the things I’m giving away, but it’s basically just a bunch of art supplies and a Starbucks gift card.

Thank you so much for reading, and I hope to see you at Silver Mess someday!