recently in memory

[ the semester so far broken down into memories ]

it feels like august never happened. it feels like this year never happened.

feeling like I started two years behind in spanish.

a storm in the collision of a conglomeration of syllabi.

drives and drives and drives with the windows always down. filling up on gas, watching lives flash by on the highway in the heat. 

lots of sitting in my chair doing school. lots of late nights. lots of pens, pencils, scantrons.

s'mores and johnny cash and don williams.

last minute run at dusk after being stuck inside working all day after work, headphones in and the beat of my heart pumping in time with the music s t a y  a l i v e .

realizing that those people you were subconsciously judging are just that- people. that everyone has a story and redeeming qualities and something in common and that you're all just human.

nights slouched in a row of chairs talking about things that are mundane but take on new meaning when people actually care and listen and look you in the eyes. 

cafeteria hangs with people who make you laugh too loud in between class and work.

having swivel-y chairs in lab :')

hammering biological processes into your mind along to the tune of your laughter.

leaning on the car door in the gravel parking lot downtown and unnecessary smiles and an absence of words and the smell of smoke.

losing your flipflops in the deluge of rain in the street, and running back to get them and back into class barefoot and drenched on a monday.

doughnuts at work on a saturday.

cutting my hair and feeling good and not caring what other people think.

figuring out you've been paying for spotify premium and not using it. swapping music.

my nation crumbling and me watching from the sideline not having any idea what to do.

buying lemonade and cookies from a stand some kids set up for charity in your swimsuits and being so happy cause I remember being those kids and saying when I was older I would stop for kids like me.

late nights illuminated by electronic glow, again. afternoon after afternoon at the library.

a space in your heart where the people who really get you aren't.

staying up till 2am talking about Jesus and the Bible and stories that are so real and history and life and everything under the sun.

rushing to wendy's for frostys in the rain and dying because one of us tripped over their words.

there's still a lingering, resistant melancholy sometimes

but when people ask how I am I can say I'm good and really, really mean it.

and it feels good. and even though sometimes it doesn't, it is.

(got it?)

12am 10/1/16

currently + rambles

In case anyone hasn’t noticed, I’ve been a bit absentee lately. I’m super sorry. I’ve been in a bit of a dry spot. I haven’t been feeling lots of inspiration and I’ve been very busy and blahblahblah everything else you’re already used to hearing from people after a break.

Well, this just a post to say I might be taking a bit of a break for a few weeks. HAH. I’m actually not laughing I’m kind of sad :’) Loads of work are waiting to be done before the end of the semester and work is a thing and helping figure out wedding plans with my sister and so if I have any extra time it will probably be spent reading. I might be popping back in on occasion, but I just wanted to let you know. Also, tons of tags are happening to me, so THIS IS REALLY HARD TO NOT SPEND TIME ON BLOGGING. But I will contain myself. Here’s a little splurge for you lovelies though since I’ve kept you waiting for so long.

Music: Disney playlists on repeat, lots of Classical and Baroque era music for my class (so beautiful actually- these composers talents amaze me), twenty one pilots (sometimes I think I’m not in the mood for them, but then I listen to one song and I can’t stop halp), Lukas Graham lsadfk, For King and Country

 Reads: Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift, We Cannot Be Silent by Albert Mohler, The Girl You Left Behind by Jojo Moyes, Galatians, and currently, The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater, and Stars Between the Sun and Moon by Lucia Jang.

Smells: coffee always, the scent of stale smoke on the breath of person sitting beside me lol why, the musky comfort of my bed, the pleasantly unfamiliar smell of a new friends home, OUTSIDE AND GREEN. And mint chocolate chip cookies cause I can. Earth.

Eats: Frozen pizza and cookies. #healthyliving Eggs constantly. Coffee. Clementines. Yogurt and granola. And chicken. And wraps.

Wears(?): shorts and a tank top this afternoon what!!!!! Mostly just nice stuff for work (blegh). Leggings and a tank right now. Tomorrow I don't know what I'll be wearing, but I'm determined to look good cause I have a big test and feeling good about how I look boosts my confidence level x394.

Thoughts: if I do not have love I am nothing. I need to start a war room or wall in my closet. Basically everything on my twitter feed. I forgot how brilliant Doctor Who is (s/o to a friend for the reminder via sleep over;). Also forgot how good it feels not to set an alarm even though it was an accident. I got my license today *flskdfj* This article.

Feels: Civil War is coming out in less than a month and I’m already crying. I don’t want my sister to move out and I don’t want to think about it either so I just push it out of mind because who has time for feels about that? How God speaks to us through his Word!!!!!!!!!! 2 cool. Tears because summer is so close yet so far. Driving alone with the windows down and 80 degree weather and radio on. Yes.

So, that’s it for now! If you want to keep up with me during my break go follow me on Twitter and Instagram! Pinterest is also an option. I miss y’all!!!! S/O to Melinda at Called to Belong for tagging me for this "what I'm doing now" thingy. Hers was full of gifs and definitely way better than mine, so go look it up! Anyone else who wants to do the tag should do that. ^-^

ps // I got to guest post over at Silver Mess (which is one of my fave blogs- Rachel is the coolest) so go check that out!!!!!! It’s about a day in the life (of me lol)

the tag of happy

Thanks to Olivia (yes, there's another one and she's like twice as amazing as me so go check her out ;) over at the cwtch for nominating me for this tag!!!!!! It's one of my favorites cause it's short and sweet and makes me happy (you know, hence the name). Nominations are at the end!
BOOKS // Currently dying over All the Light We Cannot See. Literally go read it right now. Devour it. I haven't even finished it and I'm already dead. Also dying over the enormity and insurmountability (not even a word) of all the books to be read ever. Mostly at the library. I'm just handling and holding so many different books  (and maybe secretly stroking their spines- whOA THAT SOUNDS REALLY CREEPY SORRY), and I just get overwhelmed at how much I want/need to read. Also in love with books written from the point of view of children. They're SO revealing. Gahhldjkf.
WORDS // Luminous, clairvoyance, nova, fluent, insipid, sublime, incandescently happy (this one word, okay), steadfast.
MOVIES+TV // Jurassic World aka Chris Pratt!!!!!! Fixer Upper, The Office, and, to be honest, Despicable Me.
SCENTS // Coffee, the library, tacos, clear, bright air, lavender candles, my new deodorant hahahahaha, sorry not even sorry.
SONGS // Stressed Out (twenty one pilots), Fix You (Coldplay), The Words (Christina Perri), Man of Sorrows (Hillsong), River Flows in You (Yiruma), Tale as Old as Time (Beauty & the Beast), Shine (Benjamin Francis Leftwhich), Lord, I need You (Chris Tomlin), The Last Goodbye (Billy Boyd). Guess what though guys!?? I just made a Spotify playlist of these and its my first ever ahhhhh. So these songs are slightly randomly assorted for a playlist but you definitely need it in your life, so go and check out my first ever playlist right here and tell me how you like it!!!! Or if that doesn't work for you just go look them up on Youtube :)
MISCELLANY // Y'all's comments like lskfjlsdkf. Raspberries. A wall collage of random stuffs in my room. The fact that Trump didn't win Iowa hehe. She Reads Truth. Barefoot walk yesterday on our road at dusk. Coffee shops (!!). My literature teacher aka best friend who won't admit it. The fact that I'll be in Florida in a little over a month. Sunsets. My job and also that today is my off day. Birthdays. THIS TAG. <3

I tag Grace, Vanessa, Ava, Cally, Mary Shelley, Rachel, and I know some of you don't usually do tags, but at least now the others might go check out your stunning blogs ^-^ And also anyone else who wants to do it, please do it and just say I nominated you and  no one will ever know!!!!!! Let me know if you did cause I want to read all the happy tags and just be happy. xxx

currently: grateful

wearing // an oversized tshirt and shorts
drinking // lotsss of water and hot tea
laughing at // my stupid sense of humor and when i slightly stumble over my words. and how bae aka my sister always catches it when i do mess up and we die.
cooking // or baking banana chocolate chip muffins for breakfast this morning. so good.
working on // my speech. james really got it right in james 3. my entire life and the lives of those around me can be dictated by what i say. so why is it that i continue to use it in ways that are anything but encouraging or uplifting? also on a clear kind of structure for my devotions (i would soo appreciate any tips!) and and a running schedule.
wanting // some food right now and to go to sleep. such a struggle.
looking forward to // sleepover with baes in the middle of the week because fall break. this should include the office marathons, donuts, target runs, and earl grey tea in abundance. also hanging rock for my sisters' engagement pictures!!!!!!!!! what is life!!!!!!!!!!! also coffee dates with other bae. and maybe (maybe maybe) apple picking and hay rides with lots more baes. and maybe a little early for this but that extra hour of sleep at the start of november OH AND CHRISTMAS TOO.
listening to // football. all the time.
loving // having so much more time this week.
watching // so. much. agents of shield. so stinking good. just started the second season and can we just talk about fitzsimmons please. also clark gregg is bae. (plus season 9 of doctor who. God bless bbc america)
planning // hardly anything because it's fall break and i do what i want. but i do have responsibilities still so i guess just planning for the week ahead. actually a little stressful. O.o
encouraged by // my church and this past sunday. it was so full of goodness. also some time spent in prayer after the service with some friends. also sunshine ^-^
grateful for // my family. second chances and forgiveness. books. sunshine. fall weather. 1 free week of spotify premium. a healthy body. my country. spearmint gum. clear fresh water. barefoot walks. wildflowers. salad. bagels. my bed. pillows. sleep. ok i think it's time for bed.

thanks to emily over at ember grey for this fantastic idea- go check out her post and get linked in! oh, and ps to everyone who commented on my latest post- i finally went back and replied! sorry it took so long- life's been crazy! hoping to get back on schedule this week (psh as if i even have one). this prompt by emily was the perfect one to get me going- short but sweet. thanks for the inspiration! 

what have you guys been grateful for lately?

DAY 12 // currently

Sorry it's been a while, guys! This week has been crazy insane, and so will the next, so I'm not sure I can promise any better but I'll do my best! I've got to take on some responsibility at some point anyway... (psh) I always love reading others' currently posts, and writing them is so much fun. They're also great for when you're not feeling inspired. So, here we go, everything I'm doing now...

 

Reading: And The Mountains Echoed by Kahled Hosseini and Beowulf. Just now starting Beowulf, but literally cannot stop reading And The Mountains Echoed. Wasted a whole morning of studying with my nose in that blasted, beautiful book.

Watching: Agents of Shield on a very inconsistent basis. Still on the first season. *cringe*

Trying: To get back into my routine of devotions. It's ridiculously hard to simply sit down and spend time with the one who created me and loves me more than anyone and died for me?! Sometimes I wonder how that can be.

Cooking: Dinner the other night, but thankfully not tonight. Mom is my favorite.

Eating: Pizza soon!!!!!!!!! Another reason why mom is my favorite.

Drinking: Water and lemonade in mason jars.

Calling: Not calling but called by Liberty University today. My introverted worst nightmare.
Apparently they thought I had applied for online classes (?!?!!?). Heart attack.

Texting: Friends (including bae who blogs over here). Nothing too shocking there. 

Pinning: All the words and bread sticks recipes.

Tweeting: Quotes from my ridiculously comical siblings. And also mental commentary from yours truly. I'm also pretty funny. You can check it out here.

Going: NOWHERE. Literally so thankful to have a Saturday night at home. It's been way, way too long. 

Loving: This house and this rainy day and the warmth of light and the cool air settling in. 

Hating: How fallen our world is and how apparent it is in our world today, especially in recent news of the refugee crisis and further revelations about ISIS.

Discovering: That fall is definitely and by far and exclusively my favorite season. And that I definitely cannot keep up with the blogtember challenge.

Feeling: So happy and content and at home right now.

Hoping for: Me to get my life together and use my time well in the upcoming stressful weeks. And also more time spent in prayer.

Listening to: THIS. Click on the link and thank me later. Seriously. Just do it. You don't even know how much you need it in your life. Found it thanks to the lovely Abi over at listless. It is currently giving me life. Also listening to the yells of boys wrestling and giddy shrieks of girls constructing precariously high towers.

Smelling: Pizza. #goals

Ordering: Nothing at the moment. Just a little bit too poor for that.

Thanking: God for how he's helping me to find joy in the little things and choose joy at the start of every new day. Every little step counts.

Considering: Which picture to use in my post. And also how to spend the rest of my night. Devotions, literature, and hanging out with some family friends who are last minute over for supper. They're seriously the best.

Starting: My lit homework that I should've started Thursday. Whoops.

Finishing: Supper. #blessed. And this blogpost. YAY. *confetti* *fireworks* *blessings* wait what

currently

thinking / about way too many of the complexities of life and how i wish i was kid in a carefree world made up of narnia reading  and woodland explorations and fairies and pretend games where everyone always lived happily ever after

enjoying / to the best of my abilities life where I am right now and a chaotic summer before the true chaos of the school year begins

feeling / slightly overwhelmed because of so many decisions that need to be made and thingies that need to be planned

wearing / a tshirt from old navy that i would rebuy a thousand times over and shorts also from old navy. my life.

needing / to spend more time reading Jesus' words to me and speaking to him throughout the day. and really needing to dust my book shelves too.

wanting / to be artsy, reorganize everything in my room, and also wanting to go out cause I actually did my makeup this morning for some picture taking.

listening / the dryer and the kids tv show playing and the screen door opening and shutting.

making / plans for my sweet sixteen this saturday! also confession time, my birthday isn't until the 25th but I went ahead and put 16 going on 17 in my bio because I didn't feel like changing it later. whoops.

eating / cookies and cream ice cream. and black raspberry. oh and coffee ice cream the other day. trying to go on a really cleansing diet of purely ice cream. living that healthy life all day everyday.

drinking / mostly water. sometimes tea. sometimes lemonade.

reading / unbroken, boston jane: an adventure, the sun also rises, the grapes of wrath, spiritual disciplines of the christian life (I know it sounds heavy and dull but it's really good and I have like half the lines underlined)

Okay internet's about to go off and I haven't had time to proofread but just wanted to say I missed you all and it's great to be back ^-^ Hoping to post some more soon!