Sunday, October 2, 2016

recently in memory

[ the semester so far broken down into memories ]


it feels like august never happened. it feels like this year never happened.

feeling like I started two years behind in spanish.

a storm in the collision of a conglomeration of syllabi.

drives and drives and drives with the windows always down. filling up on gas, watching lives flash by on the highway in the heat. 

lots of sitting in my chair doing school. lots of late nights. lots of pens, pencils, scantrons.

s'mores and johnny cash and don williams.

last minute run at dusk after being stuck inside working all day after work, headphones in and the beat of my heart pumping in time with the music s t a y  a l i v e .

realizing that those people you were subconsciously judging are just that- people. that everyone has a story and redeeming qualities and something in common and that you're all just human.

nights slouched in a row of chairs talking about things that are mundane but take on new meaning when people actually care and listen and look you in the eyes. 

cafeteria hangs with people who make you laugh too loud in between class and work.

having swivel-y chairs in lab :')

hammering biological processes into your mind along to the tune of your laughter.

leaning on the car door in the gravel parking lot downtown and unnecessary smiles and an absence of words and the smell of smoke.

losing your flipflops in the deluge of rain in the street, and running back to get them and back into class barefoot and drenched on a monday.


doughnuts at work on a saturday.

cutting my hair and feeling good and not caring what other people think.

figuring out you've been paying for spotify premium and not using it. swapping music.

my nation crumbling and me watching from the sideline not having any idea what to do.

buying lemonade and cookies from a stand some kids set up for charity in your swimsuits and being so happy cause I remember being those kids and saying when I was older I would stop for kids like me.

late nights illuminated by electronic glow, again. afternoon after afternoon at the library.

a space in your heart where the people who really get you aren't.

staying up till 2am talking about Jesus and the Bible and stories that are so real and history and life and everything under the sun.

rushing to wendy's for frostys in the rain and dying because one of us tripped over their words.

there's still a lingering, resistant melancholy sometimes
but when people ask how I am I can say I'm good and really, really mean it.
and it feels good. and even though sometimes it doesn't, it is.
(got it?)

12am 10/1/16

36 comments:

  1. yep. i know. i know i know. and i'm laughing, because it's like reading a book somebody wrote about your paths. xx

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    1. i never know how to respond to your comments, because i'm a speechless mess of smiles and unshed tears. :') xxxxxxxxxxx

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  2. Consider my mind blown by your talent of using words so perfectly and being able to describe the little things with such accuracy. I applaud you and send you hugs and love <333

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    1. consider my heart warmed and filled by your comments :'D thank you so, so much <33333333333333

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  3. This is amazing! I love the unique style of your writing, it's so relatable and thought provoking.

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    1. DUDE, that is such a big compliment. Thank you so much for taking the times to read and comment!!!!!

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  4. This was such a cool post to read!! Well done!! :) ♥

    ~Megan<333
    (megans-journals.blogspot.com)

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  5. 'feeling like I started two years behind in spanish.' << heh basically how I feel also XD

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    1. HAHA, I'M GLAD I'M NOT ALONE. XD thanks for reading!!!

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  6. <3 Good for you btw for cutting your hair and not listening to us! <3 I really enjoyed reading this post with the way you set it up. <3

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    1. Hahahahaha, I felt like I needed the change XD Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Hannah :') <3

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  7. This is so beautiful, Olivia! I love how this is made up of all the important things. The little important things. Because five years from now, I won't remember what grade I got on my last math test, but I will remember sitting on a blanket in our friends living room, eating hot and ready pizzas while we helped them move, not sure whether to laugh or cry. Anyhow, rant over, this was an awesome post, and GO YOU cutting your hair. A lot of people were disappointed when I cut mine, but I don't think I've regretted it once (;
    <3 lizzy

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    1. WOW. THANK YOU SO MUCH. that's exactly the response I was hoping for ugh thank you :') yay!!!!! good for YOU. right?! it feel so good and lighter, hahaha

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  8. This is just one of my favorite posts I've read in forever, and I'm not sure why? But in a really good way. This has made me feel sad, warm and fuzzy, and made me think. I'm now thinking about past memories, things that made me laugh, the struggles, the scary nights, our beautiful Savior, and this good, sweet, wonderful life.

    Got it.

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    1. Oh myyyyyy. You have no idea how much this comment means to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. Seriously don't even know what else to say. I have so many (all good) feelings gah. YOUR WORDS ARE EVERYTHING :') thank you x222

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  9. Replies
    1. ok hi one second while i CLEAN UP THIS MESS ON THE FLOOR BECAUSE MY HEART IS TOTALLY OVERFLOWING LOVE.

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    2. but yeah.

      i know.

      right deep down to the smiles you hide in your pillow at night and the sparkly eyes you wake up with in the morning. to the sunset captures and the laughing that shakes your lungs and echoes throughout the neighborhood and make the flowers stand a little taller.

      love this. love you. also reminds me of isaiah 61:3. oaks of righteousness.
      xx

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    3. OK WELL HELLO WOW LOOK AT THAT I AM ON THE GROUND. I LITERALLY DONT HAVE WORDS TO THIS SERIES OF COMMENTS. LAKJFLSKDJF LOVE LVOE LVELVE/. that veeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssseeeeeeeeee <#333 i am incoherent. just yes.

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  10. ohhhh my gosh Olivia. this post. :') my heart is so full and happy rn. and this-

    there's still a lingering, resistant melancholy sometimes
    but when people ask how I am I can say I'm good and really, really mean it.
    and it feels good. and even though sometimes it doesn't, it is.
    (got it?)

    ^literally sums up my life lately. i haven't been able to find words for it but you just did and i love it.

    i loved all of these memories. i'm actually planning to start a journal solely for memories like these, and i'm really excited for it.

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    1. wow thankful for you. YES PLEASE START A JOURNAL PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSss. i need to journal man.

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  11. I wish there was a big ol' heart button I could click. I literally miss you so so much and reading this even more so. BUT HEY ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS. You're so talented and I'm blessed I can call you my friend <3 <3 <3

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  12. This was beautiful and your life just sounds so amazing and gorgeous I just can't

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    1. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND SO AMAZING AND GORGEOUS I JUST CAN'T

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  13. Oh my gosh I love this it's so amazing and your words and are just so ALIVE <3 <3 <3

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    1. WOWOOWPOIFRUWOE THIS COMMENT >>>>>>>>>>>>
      THANK YOU ANNA :')

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  14. Love your haircut-- it looks so cute!

    Grace of golden halcyon

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  15. The haaaaaircut though!! Loving this -- feeling the whirlwind and the deluge so hard (I don't really know what deluge means, but it feels like it should fit this crazy, out-of-control, kinda fun but scary feeling.) I've been loving my first year of university, and stressing, and getting pimples :p which is not nice, but life is good. I get it.

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    1. THANKSSSSS LIV. ;) HAHAH, yes deluge is a perfect word for that.
      deluge (n): a large amount of things that come at the same time.
      yep. and dude same. bless your honesty. I get stressed and then break out and then get stressed about being stressed about breaking out and break out more. unending cycle. And yeah, I love you for getting it. :'''''''''''''')

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  16. "my nation crumbling and me watching from the sideline not having any idea what to do." <----- literally me every day until nov. 8.

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    1. SAME AND PROBABLY AFTER TOO BUT OKAY LOLOLOL

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