recently in memory

[ the semester so far broken down into memories ]

it feels like august never happened. it feels like this year never happened.

feeling like I started two years behind in spanish.

a storm in the collision of a conglomeration of syllabi.

drives and drives and drives with the windows always down. filling up on gas, watching lives flash by on the highway in the heat. 

lots of sitting in my chair doing school. lots of late nights. lots of pens, pencils, scantrons.

s'mores and johnny cash and don williams.

last minute run at dusk after being stuck inside working all day after work, headphones in and the beat of my heart pumping in time with the music s t a y  a l i v e .

realizing that those people you were subconsciously judging are just that- people. that everyone has a story and redeeming qualities and something in common and that you're all just human.

nights slouched in a row of chairs talking about things that are mundane but take on new meaning when people actually care and listen and look you in the eyes. 

cafeteria hangs with people who make you laugh too loud in between class and work.

having swivel-y chairs in lab :')

hammering biological processes into your mind along to the tune of your laughter.

leaning on the car door in the gravel parking lot downtown and unnecessary smiles and an absence of words and the smell of smoke.

losing your flipflops in the deluge of rain in the street, and running back to get them and back into class barefoot and drenched on a monday.

doughnuts at work on a saturday.

cutting my hair and feeling good and not caring what other people think.

figuring out you've been paying for spotify premium and not using it. swapping music.

my nation crumbling and me watching from the sideline not having any idea what to do.

buying lemonade and cookies from a stand some kids set up for charity in your swimsuits and being so happy cause I remember being those kids and saying when I was older I would stop for kids like me.

late nights illuminated by electronic glow, again. afternoon after afternoon at the library.

a space in your heart where the people who really get you aren't.

staying up till 2am talking about Jesus and the Bible and stories that are so real and history and life and everything under the sun.

rushing to wendy's for frostys in the rain and dying because one of us tripped over their words.

there's still a lingering, resistant melancholy sometimes

but when people ask how I am I can say I'm good and really, really mean it.

and it feels good. and even though sometimes it doesn't, it is.

(got it?)

12am 10/1/16