Friday, October 28, 2016

jules

it's night and I'm driving watching the blurry asphalt and broken yellow lines pass under my wheels
and it's like the road is moving along without me.

she's sleeping in the backseat wearing panda pjs and a fuzzy scarf and a striped toboggan and crazy socks and pink converse and she's seven now and I have no idea where the time went.

and I wonder how it's possible that I got to have a day like today coming straight from class and work to spend time with her and go shopping and try on crazy hats and eat ice cream and watch minions.

the radio is playing country music turned down low and I'm driving so slow to avoid braking hard or turning fast or hitting potholes. I want her to sleep while she can.

maybe if she sleeps time will slow down. or maybe it'll be like with me when I blink and the next year is here and gone and she's taller and smiling with two new front teeth.


it's taking me too long to write this. I don't know how to get the knot in my throat out on paper or how to show you the quiet and the starlight and how it felt like we were the only two people in the world tonight.

I think sometimes I avoid thinking about things, because I know once I start thinking I'll start feeling and the deeper I think the more I feel and I don't like that. But then comes the quiet and I can't help either.

"I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say." - flannery o'connor. I missed it. I miss it.

also, I'm realizing more everyday how much I love my family. it's funny how it takes you till you get older and have to leave to realize just how good things are around here.

41 comments:

  1. :'O just amen to all(even though I'm currently bugged with my littlest sister. ;) you know how it goes..)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA wow yes I know exactly how it goes. I feel you. And thank you for the amens. :')

      Delete
  2. this is so relatable and yet so unique to you. You're way with words constantly amazes me x)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *your
      oh my goodness i hate myself lol

      Delete
    2. HAHAHAHAHAHA SAME. also wow, thank you so much x) feels.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. SAME :') THANKS FOR READINGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

      Delete
  4. yeah okay, just make me cry.

    btw, what you said about seeing that your family is the best thing ever as you get older is so stinking true. like. yes. tell that wonderful kid happy birthday. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. okay.
      and right?! urgh just not realizing it. ldsjfjksldf. so much wasted timee.

      Delete
  5. SO BEAUTIFUL!
    Absolutely great writing girlie!
    -Lauryn
    www.ElegantChances.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. "You fell asleep in my car I drove the whole time
    But that’s okay I’ll just avoid the holes so you sleep fine
    I’m driving here I sit
    Cursing my government
    For not using my taxes to fill holes with more cement"

    This post was adorable! <3
    XOXO
    http://everythingisbetterwithpolkadots.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I TOTALLY THOUGHT OF THOSE LYRICS AFTER WRITING THIS WOW. <33333333
      thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!! ^-^

      Delete
  7. oh wow the feels. this is so extremely beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow this comment gave me the feels. thank you tons. <3

      Delete
  8. OLIVIA WHY DO YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME CRY STOP BREAKING ME

    jk you're perfect never change

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow you're my favorite thank you so much for reading and commenting and being wHO U R.

      Delete
  9. This post smashed my heart in a way that no other post ever has. As in I was laying awake in bed thinking about it with tears in my eyes. <3 this is beautiful and got me thinking hard

    LOVE U SO MUCH SDFGHJKL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WOWOWOOWOWOWOWOWOW. speechless rn i am. got me feeling all weepy. UGH LOVE YOU BUNCHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSs.

      Delete
  10. this is beautiful <3
    and that doesn't even describe this. HOW CAN I. your words are poetic, beautiful, lovely, and they reach deep. wow. like i'm not even kidding i look up to your writing. DON'T STOP.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WUTTTTTTTTTTTTT. WUT R WORDS/ THANK YOU SO MUCH, AUTUMN, like you don't even know how much this means. THANK YOU <3

      Delete
  11. Oh my heart. Seriously, this made me feel nostalgic and hopeful and filled with dread at the same time. It touched every corner of my heart. You write with so many feelings and with such beauty. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my goodness. I am a a puddle on the ground. Thank you SO much for reading and commenting this beautiful comment gahhhh <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

      Delete
  12. Enjoy the moments you have that are this way. It's loving moments like this that make you thankful for everything. This is for sure a way to start the weekend off right. (Your Instagram post)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WOW THANKS :'''''''''') so honored that you even thought this wasn't a waste of time LOL. THANK YOU VANESSA xxxxxxxx

      Delete
  13. yep.
    that's it.
    and we went up to the mountains and the wind was blasting through the pine trees and the moon shone bright.
    it was okay. my heart was full. still missed people. still wondered what they were up to. but that doesn't stop love from sinking in nice and warm.
    God is good.
    xx
    cally

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *** is having feelings ***
      i feel you way deep down :')
      and it's all so good <3

      Delete
  14. Hey there! Like everyone else has said, this is really beautiful. I like how you've done the pacing. It is almost a rush, but at the same time, the descriptions are clear which slows it down, and the beautiful, melancholy tone. I like how you've broken some of the rules of writing, but it works for you. You are definitely a talented writer, and you have a beautiful blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WOW, thank you so much. I feel like you're more perceptive (and definitely more complimentary HAH) about my writing than I am. THANK YOU TIMES A MILLION. <3

      Delete
  15. Oh Olivia.
    Me too.
    Me too.
    thanks for sharing these precious words with me- oh how i needed them.
    xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wowoowowwwowo xoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxo
      all i have to say to you gah ^
      THANK YOU.

      Delete
  16. I HAVEN'T BEEN SO HIT IN THE FEELS IN A LONG TIME AHAHA

    "I think sometimes I avoid thinking about things, because I know once I start thinking I'll start feeling and the deeper I think the more I feel and I don't like that. But then comes the quiet and I can't help either." >describing my life

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WOWOWOWOWOW THAT IS SUCH A COMPLIMENT I CAN'T.
      and dude. infj's know eachothers souls ok.

      Delete
  17. Oliviaaaaa. This is honestly so real. It's so steeped in the experience; it's not just a description, it pours off the page like water. It's the experience itself. Your writing is SO vivid. That's a gift right there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. actually gettin too emotional right now. those words are of such high praise wow :') especially coming from you like lets be honest. thank you so, so much kate xxxxx gah

      Delete