Thursday, December 31, 2015

come at me bro // 2016

So little update on life before getting started on a few new years resolutions, which I usually don't do, but I'm feeling kind of motivated about this. I want to make some changes this year. For one thing, I applied for and have an interview for my first official job as a shelver at the local library. It's super cute ft open brick, downtown, and all the people are really sweet, so pls pray I get it. I also sprained my wrist ice skating yesterday which was sad cause I had to miss Star Wars afterwards but ok. So happy though cause we really thought it was broken and it was super swollen, but now I have a splint and it's ok. In other news I got a yoga mat and an eno and money for a mountain bike so maybe I'll actually do things this year hahahahahha. I slept in the eno a few days after christmas in the woods with cousins and bros because NC's 70 degree weather??? Also, got a teapot and waffle maker and have been drinking plenty of tea and eating plenty of waffles.

So there you go. 2015 was a great year. Actually a really great year. Maybe even my best yet. I finished my first semester of community college, got baptized, went on my first missions trip, got my permit, went on first road trip with sis to Florida to see baes, sister met her soulmate and got engaged (?!♥) and lots of other stuff. There were a lot of changes, renewal of old friendships, deepening of relationships, and lots of growth. So, now I feel really thankful and I can't handle it. I LOVE JESUS SO MUCH.

// a few minor resolutions //
>> do yoga daily + gym membership ???
>> put away social media on Sundays
>> put away all electronics at least an hour before bed
>> take 5 minutes to write my flow of thought at the beginning of each day for perspective + more journaling
>> dessert on the weekends only lol maybe
>> be more informed on current events + listen to or read the briefing by Albert Mohler daily
>> set strict sleep schedule (!!!)
>> cook dinner at least once a week 
>> stand up while doing school work
>> go outside daily even for short walk
>> prayer journal every single day + talk to God about my anxieties and doubts and fear don't be afraid to get real with the One who knows my every thought and loves me the same
>> write out schedule/to do list for next day the night before
>> set my mind on things above + shine brighter for Christ (there's this verse romans 13:12 and you should go look it up)

Okay. I think that's it (although I'll definitely think of a lot more things that I want to add later and may or may not edit the post to add). SO PLEASE TELL ME CAUSE I NEED INSPIRATION, do you have any resolutions?? Or do any of these sound like something you'd like to do?

ps. You all have been a fantastic part of my year. All of you are lovely inside and out and make the world a better place. ^-^ Every single one of your comments brightens my day. You guys make me feel good about writing and make me happy that I decided to stick with this old blogging idea. (esp last post I was so nervous posting and yalls comments just lkjaflkjdsl) So thank you all a million times and best wishes for the greatest year yet <3 <3

Wednesday, December 23, 2015


there is a big city. in the city there is a window, among other windows. it's dark. inside is a boy man, but not really a man. He feels like boy, a boy who tried to grow up too soon. that kind of growing hurts, worse than growing pains.
the dark room is lit only by a cigarette, clouded by smoke, penetrated by cold night air. the hands holding the cigarette are bruised, scarred, and trembling.
In this forgotten room he is alone, without a shirt, smoking, and hopeless, with tears inconspicuously slipping down his face. he's thinking about his mother and he keeps thinking and feeling and clenching and unclenching his jaw. his eyes are full of bitter regret, despair, and wetness. he keeps messing with his hands, biting his knuckles, fidgeting, lips trembling between gulps for air.
his neck turns to side and he stops, closing his eyes hard- till he breaks throwing down his cigarette and crushing it into the floor with his shoe
with tears in his eyes, biting his lip, trying to stop it, he sets in to the brick wall, punching it for all he's worth not that that's very much to him forgetting to wrap them. he forgot they were already bruised. he forgot they were bleeding when they started. he just kept beating the wall like it was himself.
then when he had nothing left he flung himself in the thin mattress of a bed and lay there staring at the distant stars, burning, emotionless, alone until sleep took the pain away for then

little did he know his mother lay awake too
looking up to the same stars a thousand miles away
thinking what she would not give to have him back

inspiration via pinterest

Monday, December 14, 2015

do you ever wonder

do you ever get down on your hands & knees & look at the world? do you ever look at dirt sparsely populated by grass & imagine the world of a whole people so small? do you ever let your face rest against the cold snow & imagine a far stretching plaint, two reluctant armies facing each other across the white expanse? do you ever look at a creek & imagine it a river, immense, vast, impossible to forge? do you ever look at a tree or a spot in the woods & imagine you'd make your home there?
do you ever look at the world from someone else's eyes, another age, another country, another religion, a whole other life, with other thoughts, eyes, smiles, tears, hopes, and dreams? does it ever surprise you again the number of people there are in our world who are never once the same, who you've never seen & will never meet/know?
do you ever wonder about someone in the world who is most similar to you in all the small details? or the guy version of what you look like? or all the little thoughts people have of you? or that one person you made eye contact with across the street/coffee shop?
do you ever wonder about other peoples stories? cause i do & sometimes i wonder if others do, too.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

nonofficial best book award (!!!)

Thanks times a million to Abbie (GO SEE HER BLOG IT'S BEAUTIFUL AND SO IS SHE) for tagging me for the nonofficial best book award. I was really excited. Really. So here's the rules and my list and my nominees!!!!!!!
Rule #1 - steal the tag. 
Rule #2 - fill in the tag.
Rule #3 - tag people to steal the tag
Rule #4 - SHARE YOUR LINK because books are best and i need more to add to my list.

  1. Best Male Character // Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird. Also loved what Abbie had to say about Edmund's character from The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. So much development. He's one of my favorites, too.
  2. Best Female Character // Jo from Little Women. "You are the gull, Jo, strong and wild, fond of the storm and the wind, flying far out to sea, and happy all alone."
  3. Best Protagonist (good guy/main character) // probably everyone in Lord of the Rings. Also Bilbo is an absolutely marvelous protagonist. I could go on and on and on, but then I'd be asleep so.
  4. Best Antagonist (bad guy/opposing party to main character) Do you even realize how difficult this is for me. I'll just go with Harry Potter only. Because. Harry Potter. Voldemort, Bellatrix, and Umbridge are all villains that I just can. not. handle. Jo did an incredible job with them I simply can't handle it.
  6. Best Plot Twist // Gone with the Wind. I feel like the entire book was just a big plot twist.
  7. Book You Threw Across The Room Hardest (in either a bad or good way) // Probably every book ever. I get a little bit too emotionally involved. OKAY OKAY, I'll pick one. The Boston Jane series just had me cringing and hitting myself and in actual physical pain because why can't she just listen to my advice?!
  8. Best Romance // An Old-fashioned Girl. Okay, don't judge by the title. Do not judge in any way whatsoever. Just read it and feel all the feels.
  9. Best Action // Fearless. ??????
  10. Best Other Book (i don't even know what i would put these ones under...but there were a few that deserved recognition.) // The Book Thief no words like don't even talk to me it probably could be put under every category here
  11. Best Book That Made You Change the Way You Think // The Help + Night
  12. Best Inspiring Book // Okay, I know inspiring can be used to mean different things, but The Last Battle was really just wow. It inspired me to want to get to heaven already. ;)
  13. Best Book That Made You Learn Something New // And the Mountains Echoed and Unbroken
  14. Best Sad Book // Wow there's so many to choose from *rolls eyes at how many depressing books seem to show up in my life* ok. The Velveteen Rabbit though. Yes, it's a children's book, and, yes, it still hurts.
  15. Best Funny Book // The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society read it!!!!!!!! sublime in all the areas of goodness.
{ sorry this was a little brief my throat hurts and i'm really tired but can't go to sleep yet because my sheets aren't out of the dryer yet sooo }

Nominees //
Olivia at the cwtch
Evelyn at the raven + the writer
Abigail at listless
Grace at totally graced
Elisabeth at a flyleaf
Cally at words passing you by
Leah at princess leah
Vanessa at simply me
 and YOU.