Tuesday, January 3, 2017

my dad, mostly

I laugh and feel a surge of tears behind dry eyes as he turns the music louder and the trees keep flying by and I can't help but wonder how much time is left, because any moment that is so fiercely beautiful can't last forever.
my dad is singing along to Springsteen so loud that I'm smiling too big out the window and I feel so utterly helpless for words.
but in this moment I see him afire with passion about things that matter and songs that he knows every word to and I hate that I can't just take this moment for what it is without knowing it will end and he'll be gone and I'll listen to this music and I'll remember a thousand memories like this, ingrained in my DNA, branded on my skin, that made me who I am.
I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse to think and feel this way. sometimes I think it deepens my joy and appreciation, knowing that one day it will end. sometimes, I'm so tired of feeling so deeply and I wonder if I'm too dramatic or sentimental or morbid or what. and sometimes I worry he'll never know how much I love him and how he's given me so much more than he could ever know.
what are words when it comes to stuff like this? maybe the tears blurring the lines on the pages will do. I don't know.
maybe my new years resolution will be to appreciate every moment without letting my joy be stolen or letting myself cling too closely to this world. plus, whichever one of us God decides to let go first, we get to spend eternity together, worshiping the One who loved us first, so I can say-

TAKE THIS WORLD & GIVE ME JESUS.

/ I sound really sad in this, but I swear I'm not hahahahahah /

26 comments:

  1. I love your writing! It's inspired me to (possibly) do something like this, this year xx

    Nikita
    jasminelovesblog.blogspot.be

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  2. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I THINK ALL OF THE TIME AND I THOUGHT THAT I WAS JUST HORRIFICALLY MORBID.

    I feel way less bizarre now wow thank you for that.

    But oh my goodness Liv, this is beautiful. I swear, if I can write with half of the passion that you do, I will be happy. :')

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    1. Same oh my word! I can't hear songs or see certain people without feeling like I'm trying to cling to something that I'm scared of losing because I know it won't last forever. But we have Jesus so it really will! Thanks for writing this Liv :D

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  3. absolutely stunning!!

    andsowewillbethehopeful.blogspot.com

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  4. living in the moment can be so hard!! But this post was so beautifully written, I'm blown away. <3

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  5. omw wait what.


    *walks away thinking about this* *feels slightly in awe*

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  6. ahhh, I love this so much. I've had similar thoughts before. :)

    Hailey
    haileyhudson.wordpress.com

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  7. Uhh, I so so get this. You're not alone sista!
    oxoxoxox

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  8. Gosh, girl, I feel this. Literally, I will have moments like this SO OFTEN where I'm smiling and enjoying and everything is light and sound and color and then BAM, I start to imagine what it will be like when that person/this moment/this circumstance is gone for good. It's super painful and intensely beautiful all at the same time! Thank you for putting words to that feeling. I'm glad I'm not the only one! This was a gorgeous post. Love your gift for capturing moments :)

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  9. OLIVIA! You're giving me the feels. I'm so glad I stumbled upon your blog a while ago. You have such a passion and talent for writing that can't be taught and I totally understand your thought process. It's overwhelming to think about a loved one and how a moment can become a memory one day. Keep up the incredible work:)

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  10. this is beautiful...like...omw wow

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  11. I love how you are able to capture memories with your writing. You don't just capture the memory. You also capture the feels, and your words create vivid pictures inside of my mind of the scene.

    I know what you mean about feeling the temporariness of the moment when you are inside of it. It gives a bittersweet blue to every happiness.

    Also, thank you so much for the comment on my blog and the follow :)

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  12. You..you just put it into words....wow. <33

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  13. Like so many other people have said, I think you just put into words something that we all feel SO MUCH. It's like a sadness in the midst of a situation...that eventually the people and moments you're having will not be present. But thank you for the truth at the end of the post...Take the World and Give Me Jesus. And nothing else matters <3

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  14. Hey,
    I don't know if I can describe my feeling while reading these words. So the simpliest way is to say wow and your writing is amazing.
    Love,Lea

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  15. Oh my goodness. Just have to say that was absolutely beautiful and touching. I'm so glad I stumbled across your blog because you've got lovely words and I don't have any left to describe the feeling I felt after reading this. Love the rawness that expertly conveys the transience of earthly (albeit endearing) moments like these. Keep writing, always. Happy new year, and god bless!!
    xx
    Steph
    strictlystephanie.blogspot.com

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  16. Wow!!! SOMEONE FINALLY WROTE IT OUT.

    Hanne
    rockandminerals4him.wordpress.com

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  17. oh my goodness, y'all have no idea how much this means to me to read all these comments and feel so understood :''''''''') I THOUGHT I WAS ALONE, BUT THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I'M NOT. YOU'RE ALL SUCH BEAUTIFUL SOULS. thanks for that. :')

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  18. This is beautiful. Sweet and light and rock-hard and true and the kind of thing that everyone feels but no one talks about... thanks for talking about it. beautiful. <3

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  19. i'm late to the party but at least i'm here u FEEL. laughing forever. :')

    but hey. i know this. it's stuck there and i feel joy on the tip of my heart, but it burns and it refines me until i am just an honest and raw little girl. eyes set on her King.
    k.
    i get this.
    x

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  20. This is equally really comforting and really like gonna maKE ME SOB.

    BEcauSE SamE!!!!!!!

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  21. WOW. YEAH. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA SAAAAAME.

    i honestly think about this so much, and would you look at that i'm not the only one. like even today, i was just thinking how seasons come and go and i'm like...how...is this even...what is life.

    thankfully God is good <3

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  22. BOTTOM LINE i'm crying & my heart aches & this is something i read that i didn't know i needed ????

    God is the unending, never changing constant that i cling to and you wrote this without a flaw. i read it in one breath and adore this.

    p.s.: how 2 b as good as u??? ily xx

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  23. So dear and sweet, Olivia. We are blessed. This ache is not pleasant, but it is a blessing that helps us to seek to treasure the moments, and yet as we treasure, the pain that it is fleeting is so sad. It reminds me of the following verse: "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has set eternity in the heart of man." Ecc. 3:11 This ache is evidence of another place. One day there will be no ache, because we will finally be home and it will be forever, unending joy - those pleasant moments will last for all eternity. I'm so thankful we will be there together.

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