i miss you

I miss you
I miss the way your hands would ruffle the back of your hair
and it looked awful but you hadn't stopped since you were twelve
and every time I tried to make you stop I just laughed

I miss the way your glasses hung a little crooked
how you always looked at me sideways when you thought I wouldn't notice
how could you ever think I didn't notice every thing about you

I miss the way your jacket was always a little rumpled
how you shoved your fists into your pockets in the cold
how you ran your thumb over your lower lip when you thought hard

I miss being able to look at you when that smile creased your face
I miss walking into your arms and how perfectly our bodies fit together
I miss your voice and your eyes that held a whole universe that I'd only skimmed the surface of

I thought I would still be gazing into them now
still searching
still discovering
still learning
all that there was to know of you

I thought we had time
I thought we had each other
and that was it

I miss you
and I want to see you again
without the knot in my throat and the searing pain in my chest and the weight of the world on my shoulders

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
without seeing you
one
last
time

please
don't be gone

 

disclaimer: not written from personal experience just so no one freaks out