new years eve '14

Well I was kind of hoping that by this point in the year I would have some New Years resolutions pinned down. Unfortunately I have no specific goals laid out as I would like. But I do [as in I literally just came up with these as I have been typing] have some general areas that I can definitely improve in.

I want to know God more. I want to have a more full and real experience and knowledge of the height and depth and breadth of his love and grace and truth and justice and power. 

I want to have real meaningful fellowship with Him in my devotional times [in prayer and his Word]. I want to be a doer and not a hearer of the Word only. [I literally just typed 'heater of the Word'.....]

I want to suffer for Christ's sake. And no not necessarily in a go to Iran and be imprisoned for his sake. All it takes is a word of truth that you know you'll be insulted for. Taking a stand that you know will be looked down upon. Even as small as shutting up for once and letting your sibling "win" an argument for peace sake. I want to die to self and live to Christ on an entirely new level.

I want to love God more. What else can I say about this? He is so worthy and yet we refused to give him praise. He is so beyond us and yet he drew close. He loved us enough to die the worst possible death for us. He has loved us with an everlasting love. He has given us more than we can ever give back. How selfish would it be not to at least give all we can?

Leading off from that point, I want to love people more. I want to forge new relationships and grow in old ones. Think of all God has done for us after all we had done against him. How prideful, selfish, and hypocritical is it to be offended when someone wrongs us? How many times have we done the same? I want to be forgiving, loving, and always serving. I'm so often self centered and judgemental of others. I want God to take the spirit of sinfulness away. 

I want to appreciate and glory in my salvation. I want to point to Christ in all I do. I want to stay clinging to the Rock that is higher than I. I want to grow in ways I could never have imagined and I want to defeat my sin.

Please come soon Jesus and take all our sins away.

a short update on life

I am currently recovering from the flu. So. Much. Fun. That's the main reason I'm writing this because I am incapable of doing much else.
The last Hobbit movie came out a couple weeks ago...... so yeah, life's been pretty tough since then. Needless to say, it was beautiful and epic and emotional and perfect in every way. It also gave me enough feels to last a lifetime.
Christmas has come and gone. Also-- I got a robe. And it's gray and fluffy and flawless. So that's good.... man, I really don't know how to do this
New Years is coming up and I'm pretty sure we're all gonna be better by then. YAY. We still have one more week of break, AGH but it's going by way too fast. Not surprisingly I envisioned myself devouring dozens of books over the course of these two weeks, but so far I'm only two chapters into Return of the King...... I'm trying.
On another note, my mom just gave me a bag of the most buttery popcorn in the world. PRAISE THE LORD. Well, I guess I better go then because I can't type with buttery fingers [and also I don't really have anything else to say].
Hopefully I'll be back soon!!

 

 

matthew 1-2

Joseph with much grace is soon to divorce Mary, seeing her pregnant apparently by another man. Imagine being in Mary's place in shame, viewed as a prostitute, liar, and possibly blasphemer if she shared her encounter with the angel. The burning shame and pain of being falsely accused by those she loved most. How hard it must have been to continue trusting God to use this pain for a greater, higher cause. 
Or in Joseph's shoes, as he felt the pain of betrayal from his betrothed. His love still holding out in dismissing her privately, his determination to be just and graceful in the face what appeared to be cruel betrayal.
And, then, imagine the wonder of this revelation of the Spirit. The disbelief leading to relief and joy. Envision Joseph sharing the vision with Mary, what the Lord had revealed--her relief, and them being married, content in knowing God had a glorious plan for them. 
Feel the stress that Mary felt [no more than 15 or 16] about to deliver her first child: no midwife, no family, unable to find a place to stay. 
Envision the birth of the Ruler and Creator of the universe, King of kings, and Lord of lords in a place fit for animals. Imagine the fear and aloneness, the messiness and non-glamour of it all.
But then think of the sweet relief in the safely delivered child, beautiful baby boy. Imagine the tears of joy and exhaustion and praise to God. The encouragement and renewal of spirit provided in the form of the three kings and shepherds-- that this is real and God's will would be done.
Imagine the fear in fleeing to Egypt [a place of worldliness, idolatry, and unfamiliarity]. The long wait calling for patience, humility, and trust from both. 
Envision the horrors of that night--really envision it: hundreds of baby boys under the age of two, being brutally slaughtered before their mother's eyes <<v18>> the agonizing wailing cries of mothers in unexpected pain and searing loss. Already Christ was being revealed as a stumbling block to some, but to others worth more than gold and precious silver.
Then see the beautiful boy growing and prospering in favor with God and men. 
But now imagine him whipped and beaten and nailed to a cross of wood, stripped of clothes with a crown of thorns sunk deep into his head and a crowd mocking him at the "King of Jews". Imagine him saying "Forgive them for they do not know what they do" even as God's wrath for their sins is poured out on him. Imagine his last heaving, excruciating breath, darkness falling and the dead being raised to life as those looking on whispered in wonder and amazement, "surely this is the Son of God"
And imagine him right now, hands still scarred by the nails we drove in his hands. Imagine him before the throne of God, pleading his holiness on our sins. Showing the father his scars, that he took on God's wrath for our sins, and we are no longer to pay.
Now imagine him in the new age his full glory revealed, as every knee bows and every tongue confesses to the lordship of the one they have crucified.

-- then you shall see & be radiant --

your hearts shall thrill & exult

i s a i a h  60:4

"but you surpass them all..." proverbs 31

Recently our pastor preached on the godly wife. It made me really think about what I want/God calls me to be as a wife. So, I thought I'd just record some of it here to ingrain the traits in my mind because the way I act now will define who I become as a wife and mother [hopefully] in the future.


// identifying marks of an excellent wife //

- a crown to her husband
enhances respect because she carries herself in reverence to God, her husband, and feminine virtues [self control, wisdom, compassion, modesty ----> dignity] <<proverbs 12:4, 21:30, 31:23>>

- wise manager of the household
prudent----> discerning <<jeremiah 3:15, proverbs 31:13-16, 1 timothy 5:14>>

- completely trustworthy
as far away as possible from the woman of chapter 7. <<proverbs 31:11>>

- means of grace to save husband from burning
marriage----> means of grace to save from moral/eternal ruin <<1 corinthians 7:2-5, proverbs 5:15-23>>

// what an excellent wife is not //

- bringer of shame to the household
shame----> adulterous, hateful, gossiping, drunk, neglectful. shame is a *big* deal. <<proverbs 12:4, 30:20>>

- habitually contentious woman
hateful, angry, determined to oppose at every turn-- not the occasional disagreement or challenging of husband.

<< PROVERBS 19:4>>

it's that time of year...

...right before christmas break where you're struggling to get into the Christmas spirit but you feel like you can't just yet because school's still got it's death-hold on you. Okay so obviously I don't have time to be posting this, but I'm going to anyway. Just to get a breath of fresh air before plunging back into the ocean of work I have to do before tomorrow. 

Just look at it. So warm and fuzzy and CHRISTMASY. That was last Saturday after everything had calmed down a bit and everyone was just exhausted and ready for bed. Totally the greatest feeling ever. Now we just have to get some presents under there!!!!!! [I've been trying to make time to wrap presents over the past several days but time just slips through my fingers like sawdust lately (mostly my fault and lack of time management)]. 

*SIGH* 

Oh! well, I just remembered I haven't done devotions yet today [on one of the days I most need it]! Ugh. Back to the papers and ldfjsldkfd. I am totally just turning this into a complaining post. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. That's not what I wanted. I'm gonna go and try to get some perspective back in my life. See what a day with more stuff and less Jesus can do for you?

[just read back over this. wow. where did all that thankfulness from the last post go? thankfulness is way too hard..]