a list that you'll probably need

of things to do when you don't like yourself very much

- make cinnamon rolls, or cookies, or hot tea.
- listen to music that is actually happy, but muted happy so it doesn't just feel like nails against the chalkboard of your heart
- take a long shower and feel the hot water and shampoo your hair. be thankful that you can.
- go on a walk, seriously. doesn't matter what time of day.
- try making someone else happy.
- clean. organize. start small. it feels good, promise.
- look at the first and/or last sentence in all your books.
- start writing your flow of thought. maybe it'll turn into something.
- or draw your thoughts. get the bad ones out. make the good ones into something pretty, or just something that means something to you.
- go to sleep.
- make art. preferably watercolors. it doesn't have to be impressive. just art, because you are capable of creating.
- pray. write your prayers out. it has salvaged my prayer life.
- flip through your bible. look at the underlined verses. write them out. speak truth to yourself.

and, in case you forgot, Jesus loves you just as much in this moment as he did in the moment that he chose to endure the suffering and humiliation of the cross for your sake. you are so valuable and loved- fact. no matter what you feel.

[ as seen originally on BURNING YOUTH ]

nonfic

hey, you're the hispanic one
said the white blond kid,
slinging a backpack roughly over his shoulder

nah, he said, with a glance to the floor
but a proud jut of his jaw
and a little sideways smile
I'm american

don't really know how I'm expecting y'all to respond to this. but, I don't know, this is real, and it matters to me, and I like it. moments that people don't notice are where it's at tbh. also people that people don't notice.

truth or dare

- truth or dare?

- truth.

i never chose dare, cause i used to have nothing to hide, so i choose truth without thinking. 

- ok. ummm. [examines my face] what are you thinking right now? [heartbeat in my ears] 

i like the sound of your voice and the way your arm is slung across the top of the car and your tired, pretty eyes, and the way you're looking at me 

- [laughs] that i'm scared of what you're gonna ask me 

you laugh and take a step back and forward and i'm waiting on cliff's edge for the next question

do you love me?

     but it never comes

     and the game goes on