finished

why do the failures never end

why do I always think that it depends on me

why do I hide in my shame when You died that I might be free from it

why do I let myself think that it's in my power to reverse what You have called

"finished"

because even in my lowest acknowledgement of my depravity

if it keeps me from running to You it's still pride

thinking I can do it on my own 

or that there's anything in me that could mend the brokenness that I've caused

that I'm the exception

"He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all-"

no, not me

He didn't know how bad I would be

do I really think I know better than You?

any holding back from You is an insult to the sacrifice You made in order to have intimacy with me

"come to Me"

You say it again and again

and I come

only after staying away

stubborn and reluctant and unworthy

but, Jesus, I come

"let me only be a servant"

but no, You say

no, again and again

You patiently, faithfully, mercifully, lovingly,

remind me of the gospel I am so quick to forget

yes, I'm undeserving, a million times yes

but it's not about me

Your Son died on a cross with nails through His hands and feet

hammered in by my own soft, un-scarred ones

with a crown of thorns shoved down upon His head

woven by the faithless hands of His creation

He chose this that His worth, holiness, deserving

might be mine

"I will remember your sins no more"

oh, God, how soon I forget

how dare I suggest that Your life, love, death, and resurrection

is insufficient, not enough for me

help me to cast off the burdens 

You have already borne for me

this guilt and shame has already been paid for

this weight is not mine to shoulder

"you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear,

but the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out 'abba! father!'"

Father, help me to embrace who I am in You

a daughter with a greater inheritance of joy than I can imagine

more deeply known and loved than I can know

help me fall down on my knees before You

and rise up again in worship

help me give my life and my all for You

it's all for You