i miss you

I miss you
I miss the way your hands would ruffle the back of your hair
and it looked awful but you hadn't stopped since you were twelve
and every time I tried to make you stop I just laughed

I miss the way your glasses hung a little crooked
how you always looked at me sideways when you thought I wouldn't notice
how could you ever think I didn't notice every thing about you

I miss the way your jacket was always a little rumpled
how you shoved your fists into your pockets in the cold
how you ran your thumb over your lower lip when you thought hard

I miss being able to look at you when that smile creased your face
I miss walking into your arms and how perfectly our bodies fit together
I miss your voice and your eyes that held a whole universe that I'd only skimmed the surface of

I thought I would still be gazing into them now
still searching
still discovering
still learning
all that there was to know of you

I thought we had time
I thought we had each other
and that was it

I miss you
and I want to see you again
without the knot in my throat and the searing pain in my chest and the weight of the world on my shoulders

I don't know what I'm supposed to do
without seeing you
one
last
time

please
don't be gone

 

disclaimer: not written from personal experience just so no one freaks out

burning youth

cheers and waffles and hugs and bunches of confetti and definitely no happy tears (sike) for everyone on today because today we are all joining together to say that we are louder *intentionally leaving suspense about what that actually means so that you will visit the website and find out*. so incredibly proud of this group of beautiful humans and brave souls and honored to be a part of it. so, if the suspense is actually killing you now, head on over to the gem of website:

/ BURNING YOUTH /

"It's so easy to feel like you're alone with the voices inside of your head-- like you are the only one who hears their volume. Like you are the only one fighting them in the dark of the predawn. But actually we all hear the voices. We all lie awake at three AM sometimes, with a raging heart and sweaty palms--

We all hear them.

And yes, they are loud, but we?

We are louder.

We are BURNING YOUTH."

/ written by katie, one of our founders, future pulitzer prize winner, and 9x author of the year (I may or may not be a prophetess, don't ask)

so, go. go surround yourself with darkness fighters, broken souls who embrace the mess of you and me. go soak in the soul igniting words of humans who are stumbling together after the Light. and while you're at it, maybe grab some bagels, too. idk. let's do this, together.

in my mind

 [ glimpse into the dark before the dawn aka JESUS in my mind ]

in my mind
in the darkness
there's an abyss
surrounded by a mist
of all the doubts
of all the shouts
of all my fears
a lake of tears
where words
become swords
when I try
to cry
of my pain
whispers say I'm insane
don't tell stay in your cell
pretend you're well
hide from the crowds
all the shrouds
of your sin
you've given in
of all the guilt
that you built
yourself a prison
of derision
where you're mocked at
and you're scoffed at
you've caved
you're enslaved
and there's no escape
in the darkness
in my mind

i'm alive

you know how you always wish that you realized it was the best of times while you were still living them? that's what this summer feels like.
it feels like tv shows in your room, and early mornings at the library, and jumping off the high dive at the pool. it feels like owning a car, bought with money you earned. it feels like late nights, eating milkshakes sitting on the curb, walking through drive-thrus, eating ice cream in a waffle cone with a view of the country side. it feels like football in the mud, and the american flag, and not being afraid. it feels like johnny cash, and windows down, and road trips with friends, and hot air pouring in the sunroof, and weddings, and the beach, and long hair, and stargazing, and coffee dates, and used book sales. it feels like embracing change and not dreading the school year or watching people drive away. it feels like tainted bittersweet, sunshine and rain, and knowing to Whom i belong.
it feels like taking a deep breath and more than just that.
it feels like the beat of my heart pumping again and again
i'm alive i'm alive i'm alive

ps overflow of words and run on sentences cause that's how i roll. also, 100 freaking followers. y'all, i'm so thankful for each of you. can't even believe that many humans would want to read the tangle of words my brain comes up with. thank you thank you thank you.