Friday, August 18, 2017

ghosts of truth

The ghosts of everyone I've ever loved
pressed, slipped, desperately crammed, shoved
between the pages of a plain notebook

How is it possible for something so unexceptional
to hold so much of my heart

Yet every time I think I've moved on
and gotten past an ache or love an aching love
I come back to the words
whose truth is so essential to my being
that I don't know what I'm thinking
cause you don't "get past" or "move on"
from the truth

But all the truths learned
all the ghosts collected
rise up in me

Like the truth that wore flowers in her hair
and the truth whose back was marked with ink
or the one who hid the hurt from everyone who loved her
or the one that drove a truck as old as me, listening to music as old as him, through fields older than us both
what about the truth that gave her entire self to give me life
what about the one that laughed too easily
what about the truth I called home

I don't wanna get past any of these truths
but I don't know how to live with the weight of
the words / truth / love on my shoulders

So I try to lighten the load,
lay some away in storage
in the unassuming black journal on my desk
until a night like tonight

When I open it up
and all the words that mean so much more than just words
come rushing up at me
come crushing down on me

And I ache with a love for each truth
each loss past and to come
and it's all just so heavy

 Except for a truth that's greater
than any truth that could be contained
inside a notebook of mine
the Truth
that lifts me up
on wings like eagles
whose burden is light
who offers me a future and a hope

It's not all good
but God is good
and I am His
and He is mine
 haha sorry for all the incomplete sentences and junk that's just how I roll at 1am

45 comments:

  1. My life right now. Is this. I look back on the people that have come and left and the events that became memories and I dwell in the feelings. Keep those feelings close to you and learn from them. God is good. And so is this piece of thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw, I'm glad you can relate. :) Thank you so much, V <3 <3

      Delete
  2. your writing always makes my heart ache in the best way possible. you honest to goodness have one of the most beautiful souls of anyone i've ever known.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wHAT my heaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrtttttttttttt <33333333333333 ugh I love you so much thank you so much what are words

      Delete
  3. ...I am literally at loss for words right now so I will use caps to explain what it is that I am feeling.

    YOU NEED TO WRITE A POTERY BOOK AND I WILL BUY EVERY COPY BECAUSE THIS. *THIS*. OH, MY HEART...!!!!

    This is amazing. You're amazing.

    xx Mackenzie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MACKENZIE.
      PRETTY SURE CAPS CAN'T EVEN HANDLE MY FEELS RN.
      YOU ARE AMAZING. THANK YOU.
      dude. if I published a poetry book................kfjglksdjf I would be so happy

      Delete
  4. This is beautiful! You capture emotion so well. I love this. Amazing job. <3

    iviewrites.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Ivie oh my gosh :''''''''''''') <3

      Delete
  5. My heart aches...you capture things so beautifully and never stop being messy like that, it's the best. <333

    Anna | www.worldthroughherheart.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. agh Anna thank you so much I can'talksjflkdsfjs. <333333333333333333333333333333333

      Delete
  6. Oh. My. Goodness. I am literally crying right now.
    "Yet every time I think I've moved on
    and gotten past an ache or love an aching love
    I come back to the words
    whose truth is so essential to my being
    that I don't know what I'm thinking
    cause you don't "get past" or "move on"
    from the truth"
    I read these words over and over again because they were so TRUE. Honestly, the holes in your heart when you lose someone never get filled by another human being, because no human is the same. Nonetheless, I love the hopeful conclusion, because I know if it weren't for Him, we would remain empty and aching.
    Wow... girl, when are you gonna publish a book of your poetry? Because this is award-worthy stuff right here. <333

    xoxo
    Lizzy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES YES YES. UGH MY SOUL.
      Thank you so much for all these words.
      And gahhhhhhhhh I would love to :') prolly wouldn't get there without y'all's ridiculously lavish compliments and pushing me to do it tho :') <3 so much luv
      maybe one day x

      Delete
  7. You go girl. Musings at 1am are just right ... you've caught a feeling I think a lot of us recognize (??) Journals/notebooks/blogs ... entries and diaries and notes about life are so WEIRD and you nailed the confused sort of paradoxical love/hurt relationship a lot of us have with our past work ...

    anyhoo... thanks for sharing :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AW NO THANK YOU FOR READING AND SHARING :') so nice to me X) <3

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. asjklfdhlskdjflsdk THANK YOU <3 <# <3 ;2l3kl2
      hahaha xoxo

      Delete
  9. "It's not all good, but God is good." LIFE MOTTO. <3

    ReplyDelete
  10. ugh

    but seriously this is SO GOOD you're just so good. this take on letting go and moving on is so much BETTER than what's usually promoted because really you can't. those points of truth that were reality in your past are set there now. you can walk away but they will always be there, like stone memorials- maybe miles away but looming and solid nonetheless. ugh again i love this so much

    someone else commented to please write a poetry and yes please do because I would definitely buy it.
    xx nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i'm cRYING. you don't even know how much this means. thank you thank you thank you. gsohskjfhsdkjf xxxxxx I LOVE U

      Delete
  11. "Cause you don't "get past" or "move on" from the truth."

    <3

    Please write the poetry book, give the people what they want!!! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YOUR COMMENTS ARE CONSISTENTLY, LIKE, MY FAVORITE THINGS IN THE WORLD.
      THANK YOU!!! :') I'll look into it;)

      Delete
  12. How do you always articulate what I'm feeling so beautifully

    Hailey
    www.haileyhudson.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How do you always give me so many feelings LOL <3 <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU!!!

      Delete
  13. Oh my goshhhhh the rhythm of this poem is unreal. <3 My English teachers would be analysing 'the flow' of this poem if they saw this. I agree with Erin Marie, you should make a book of poems.

    Also, is it bad that this:
    "The ghosts of everyone I've ever loved
    pressed, slipped, desperately crammed, shoved
    between the pages of a plain notebook"
    made me think of Death Note? :') Maybe because its coming out on Netflix soon...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH MYYY, that is such a high compliment I can't. I wasn't even thinking about the rhythm, like I feel very inadequate when it comes to stuff like that, so thank you SO much, jo :') :') <3
      (WHAT IS DEATH NOTE I FEEL LIKE AN UNCULTURED SWINE??? hahahhaha)

      Delete
  14. I can honestly just relate to what you're saying so vividly. "It's not all good, but God is good
    and I am His, and He is mine."
    Like a lot of days, this is the only thing I hold onto. Days get rough and emotions confuse me, but I just have to remember that God is still good and that I need to be guided by his truth.

    Thanks for this post and I hope you'll check out my new blog (and maybe follow if you have a chance)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, yes, yeskjflksdjfskdjfsd. I feel you so deep. Ugh, glad to know I'm not alone in that :') <3 <3 Thank you for reading and commenting AND YOUR BLOG IS BEAUTIFUL!

      Delete
  15. Replies
    1. THANK YOU SO MUCH, MEAGHAN <333 where is the crying emoji when i need it

      Delete
  16. ahhhh THIS IS NOT JUNK this is beauty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhHHH
      thank u rach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3333

      Delete
  17. This is beautiful and so true - keep up the AMAZING writing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANKS, KARA :''''''''''') ur so sweet ajlsdkfd

      Delete
  18. It's not all good, but God is good" <--- yah. truth.

    amen to all of this.

    ReplyDelete
  19. this is so painful and beautiful. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much olivia gahhhh <#333333333wjkldfs

      Delete