Saturday, January 21, 2023

I am thinking about my childhood friends





I am thinking about my childhood friends
And how I was never told how or when 
To say goodbye

More specifically, 
    I am thinking of you

No one tells you what to do with your childhood best friends after they go 
What to do with all those memories 
The sleepovers and couch sits
The wheezing laughter in the car and the fights 

No one ever told me to tell you 
How much I love(d) you
And think about you and how I can’t stop
While it wouldn’t have been weird

Did I ever tell you
     “I love you”?

I’m sure I did a thousand times,
    But I can’t remember a single one

Do you know I still do?
    Either way, I don’t believe you

I still have stories I want to tell you
    Like, I just want to hear your laugh

And I still dream about you and your brothers 
    Is this normal? What is wrong with me?

Should I call my doctor and ask,
    "When should I expect to recover?"

And I know the space where you were
Has been gone a long time

But it’s still an empty space 
And you’re still my best friend

    When I was 6
    And 11
    And 15
    And 20

And some days I still miss you
Like a child
Like I’m homesick for the way it used to be

– olivia gwyn



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