I am thinking about my childhood friends
And how I was never told how or when
To say goodbye
More specifically,
I am thinking of you
No one tells you what to do with your childhood best friends after they go
What to do with all those memories
The sleepovers and couch sits
The wheezing laughter in the car and the fights
No one ever told me to tell you
How much I love(d) you
And think about you and how I can’t stop
While it wouldn’t have been weird
Did I ever tell you
“I love you”?
I’m sure I did a thousand times,
But I can’t remember a single one
Do you know I still do?
Either way, I don’t believe you
I still have stories I want to tell you
Like, I just want to hear your laugh
And I still dream about you and your brothers
Is this normal? What is wrong with me?
Should I call my doctor and ask,
"When should I expect to recover?"
And I know the space where you were
Has been gone a long time
But it’s still an empty space
And you’re still my best friend
When I was 6
And 11
And 15
And 20
And some days I still miss you
Like a child
Like I’m homesick for the way it used to be
– olivia gwyn
