I am staying busy
by Olivia Gwyn
The sky fades to pink, lilac,
deep indigo,
black
I am busy loving you
when the darkness comes
I keep myself busy, ignoring
the sound of the unknown knocking
at the apartment door
I am busy kissing you on the lips
and carrying our daughter on my hips
I stay busy looking up at the leaves
and placing books on hold at the library
I am planning my daughter’s Halloween costume
for two years from now when I can’t see my hand
held right in front of my face
I am busy filling up notebooks, slowly, slowly,
letting the shower head rinse my hair
Feel it flow down my scalp
running, collecting in rivulets over
my neck where my hair no longer falls
I am running my hands through my hair
and crying when I feel afraid
and learning not to cower from the darkness
Look at the light all around me
Let me press it into paper,
find my scissors and cut it into pieces,
folded over and over again, to confetti
Spread to the masses
like You fed the 5,000
Abundance from lack,
enough from nothing,
faith like ashes
How generous You are to show us,
even when we were too stubborn to see
I am staying busy,
like the jar of oil
in the hands of the widow
who had no reason to believe
Where I thought the darkness
would consume me—
Bread and a little oil,
more than enough to go around
— olivia gwyn
