Sometimes I find myself
Waiting for you
For your kingdom to come here
Other times, I find you
Through the lime zest
And the orange peel scent
Fresh on my hands
I find you in the
Bruises on my shins
The split in my knuckle
And the clean hair dripping down my back
I find you in my
Husbands t-shirt when it is wet
With my own grief
I find you in my mirror
Where I am met by my familiar
Bleary eyed, swollen face,
Made by you, who does all things well
I see your kingdom clearly in the dark
In the laughter around the kitchen table,
In all our friends serving themselves food
And spilling drinks on the counter and laughing and cleaning it up and forgetting
I see you in the
Flowers on the windowsill,
The leftovers sent to college apartments in cheap Tupperware
And the notes left by the coffee pot
I hear you in the silence in the living room
Between old friends
I find you in the remembering and the forgetting
In the hounds' ears and the music turned up
And windows down and my cheeks hurting from smiling
I see it in the faces I see
Every day
I see how you see me
It makes me miss you sometimes
But I remember
I am not waiting for you to be with me
I am not waiting to be loved
I see
Your kingdom come
Like the dawn every morning
So sure
I don't even have to think about it
Like the whipping of sugar and cream
Makes the fluffy beautiful cloud
Like a surprise every time
Like the breath from my open mouth
Makes a smoke signal
In the cold night
Like you keep rearing your
Beautiful, glorious, kind, unexpected
Head at every turn
Showing me how you are good and tender and with me
How you did everything to make it this way
To be so close, in the midst of me
Your kingdom is here
It is Wednesday
I'm sitting on my bed
Do you not perceive it?
– olivia gwyn
