what remains

What is there left to say about their eyes lighting up when they talk about something they love
What remains to be written about their laughter, their smile, their touch
What is left to speak of the cursed finiteness of time in their presence

What remains except to speak about the way your eyes light up green and blue and golden and deep when you talk about what matters to you

What remains except the elusive words to capture your laughter when you try to keep it in and can’t and the way your eyes crinkle up when you smile and the way your rough hand feels in mine

If only there were words left to encapsulate the wretched limits of us

I used to hate love songs and their grating sameness

But now every time I put my pen to paper I find myself writing the same thing in a different arrangement of words

Of you

                        And you

And only you

Again

sorry for all the DRAMA happening on the blog lately.
what can I say?
Iiii actually don't know what I can say,
but here I am posting another one. oops.
hopefully a recommended summer reads post is coming soon though!

a dream

I remember the wind in my hair and the sun in my eyes and your car radio in my ears
I remember how I could hear your smile over the phone when you tried not to laugh
I remember how your eyes lingered on mine for too long too many times
I remember making pasta together and how you insisted your way was best
I remember how well we laughed together
I remember how you looked at me like it was too good to be true and then had to look away so you wouldn’t stare
I remember watching you walk out the door as the stars faded into the oncoming dawn
I remember a dream
Do you

excerpts of life

everyone keeps doing all these posts about high school and graduation and what they've learned and all this stuff, but I don't know. at the end of graduation day I wasn't thinking of everything I've learned. I was too busy taking in all the love. and it all just hit me that day. and I wrote messy in my journal late at night,
everything is so good and I'm too scared to think about it or I'll cry cause beginnings mean endings and time slips by so fast and I don't know how to love people well enough yet. what if I've lived all this time and they haven't seen Jesus yet? and I just thought, what could I ever give back- to mom and dad, my family, my friends/soulmates, my Savior, the Giver of every good and perfect gift? I mean, I guess, my life. but I guess I could start with a grateful heart, too. so, here's some memories of the week of graduation that fill me up all over again. john 1:16.

too many people crammed in a car music blasting, running to dollar general, hot air sweeping in through the open windows, watching baseball drowsy at dusk, volleyball barefoot in the sand at night.

laying in bed at night, talking about Jesus and the Bible, drinking tea, and realizing how real and alive and personal and powerful He is.

nachos and dip and ice cream and cookies and strawberries dipped in chocolate and laughter and talking with a constant background of guitar playing.

sitting in the dark with the power off, listening to good music, refusing to go to sleep, prank calls and hysterical laughter over nothing.

the way I could hear his smile over the phone at night when the stars were bright and my eyes were bleary.

writing stuff too personal to post on here but it's okay cause this poem.

eating samoas and driving unfamiliar country roads with wet hair and late sun on my bare arms, and how the sky changed to pink and purple fading to dark behind the trees, thunder rumbling complacent in the distance.

hitting up sketchy mexican restaurants pre-graduation rehearsal.

riding in the back of the truck to the baseball field with the cousins before it got too dark to see to hit.

not being able to stop smiling during the recessional because I'M DONE.

that He who promised is faithful.

//

sorry I've been gone so long. I think I'm back for good now.

I love you all for sticking around. :''')