I am thinking about my childhood friends

I am thinking about my childhood friends

And how I was never told how or when 

To say goodbye

More specifically, 

    I am thinking of you

No one tells you what to do with your childhood best friends after they go 

What to do with all those memories 

The sleepovers and couch sits

The wheezing laughter in the car and the fights 

No one ever told me to tell you 

How much I love(d) you

And think about you and how I can’t stop

While it wouldn’t have been weird

Did I ever tell you

     “I love you”?

I’m sure I did a thousand times,

    But I can’t remember a single one

Do you know I still do?

    Either way, I don’t believe you

I still have stories I want to tell you

    Like, I just want to hear your laugh

And I still dream about you and your brothers 

    Is this normal? What is wrong with me?

Should I call my doctor and ask,

    "When should I expect to recover?"

And I know the space where you were

Has been gone a long time

But it’s still an empty space 

And you’re still my best friend

    When I was 6

    And 11

    And 15

    And 20

And some days I still miss you

Like a child

Like I’m homesick for the way it used to be

– olivia gwyn