finding

Sometimes I find myself

Waiting for you

For your kingdom to come here

Other times, I find you 

Through the lime zest

And the orange peel scent

Fresh on my hands

I find you in the

Bruises on my shins

The split in my knuckle

And the clean hair dripping down my back

I find you in my 

Husbands t-shirt when it is wet

With my own grief

I find you in my mirror

Where I am met by my familiar

Bleary eyed, swollen face,

Made by you, who does all things well

I see your kingdom clearly in the dark

In the laughter around the kitchen table,

In all our friends serving themselves food 

And spilling drinks on the counter and laughing and cleaning it up and forgetting 

I see you in the 

Flowers on the windowsill,

The leftovers sent to college apartments in cheap Tupperware

And the notes left by the coffee pot

I hear you in the silence in the living room

Between old friends

I find you in the remembering and the forgetting

In the hounds' ears and the music turned up 

And windows down and my cheeks hurting from smiling

I see it in the faces I see

Every day

I see how you see me 

It makes me miss you sometimes

But I remember 

I am not waiting for you to be with me

I am not waiting to be loved

I see 

Your kingdom come

Like the dawn every morning

So sure

I don't even have to think about it

Like the whipping of sugar and cream 

Makes the fluffy beautiful cloud

Like a surprise every time

Like the breath from my open mouth

Makes a smoke signal

In the cold night

Like you keep rearing your 

Beautiful, glorious, kind, unexpected 

Head at every turn

Showing me how you are good and tender and with me

How you did everything to make it this way

To be so close, in the midst of me

Your kingdom is here

It is Wednesday

I'm sitting on my bed

Do you not perceive it?

– olivia gwyn