Sunday, August 15, 2021

they never tell you

No one ever tells you
How much it all affects you
When you're young

They don't tell you–
These trees, these drives
These hands, this land–
They don't leave you for a long time

This same aching feeling 
This pounding in your chest, 
This sweat on your brow,
The curiosity and confusion,
It's still there

Twenty years later
It's all right under the surface
The burning shame,
The fear in your throat,
At night under the covers
When your mind won't sleep

No one tells you
How you'll always remember
Your favorite shirt in third grade
Or how he made fun of your voice
Or the way your parents touched you

They don't tell you 
How you'll remember 
The absences or
How one angry yell can cover
A whole year of kindness

They don't tell you that
This– right now
It never really goes away
This too is a mercy–
That they don't tell you

That you will do the same thing

lately I am tender

Lately everything
Matters and hurts too much
And I feel young and tender
And jerk back from feeling
Before it takes over

Lately I try to breathe 
Against the hurt of the world
People are dying, wanting,
Fighting, losing, losing,
And I know them all

Lately I count money
To a soundtrack of an empty room
An empty seat at someone's table
And this is all too ugly for a poem
And I hate it and I hate it
And I want it to be gone

Lately I am tender 
But some people can't afford to be

Lately I am tender
And look for gentleness in your face
And I can't always see
But your face too is tender
And it weeps for all these things