It is July

It is July

It’s the cool draft of dusk on my bare arms

The heaviness of the summer air draped across my chest 

It’s the buzz of the cicadas and the intimate calls of the geese

It’s the haze of the lilac sky in the distance, the blue fog creeping up

in its wake 

It is the silence, the ripples in the water, the language of the quiet

It is July and I am learning that I no longer need to be afraid 

                                – olivia gwyn

keep my garden full

Keep my garden full

And of course I am waiting

For a letter from you to come

Whisking into my mailbox

Your ringtone sounding ridiculous

At the dinner party

You are not at

A voice memo to keep me

Company on the highway

At night surrounded by

Strangers surrounded by

The missing of someone else

Of course I think about 

The tree house

Of course I dream

Of our feet tucked in

The couch, holding

Our tea cups as they 

Cool, listening as

The other cries

Of course I remember

When you stepped in the thorns

The sound of your voice

Reading from your notebook

The taste of the blackberries

Rolled in white sugar

Staining our fingers with laughter

With no guilt

Keira Knightley crosses the

Screen in a corset and

Of course I am thinking of

The pita bread we ate while

The candles burned down 

And the movie played out

I see a mare in the field

And think of you when

She tosses her head

Our wet hair 

Soaks the pillow

As we sprawl out on

The comforter

Hunched over our

Paperbacks bent at the crease

You are like a garden

We are always returning

To each other

Filling our arms

When the other's garden is dry

I slice the tomatoes

And salt them

And life is luxurious

Again

I come empty handed

And leave remembering

How to make tomato soup

You are waiting at the door

To go and I feel like a child

Again

How can I hide your 

School books

Pillow

Laptop

Keys

Here

So you'll have to come back

Again

What can I say?

Hey, did I ever tell you–

It is Thursday and 

I am driving home with no music on

Wondering at how ugly 

The highway is on the way home

Why not just cut it in half

Make the journey quicker

Keep my garden full

For the rest of my life

– olivia gwyn

Do not look away

 

Do not look away

O, scallops and buttercups and 

    foxtails!

What would we do if you were 

    taken away?

O, barbershops and bookends and

    love seats! 

O, backyard trees and jasmine climbing

    up the porch and your mother's old

    rocking chair from your dad's mom!

What have we done?

I listen to the birds

    and the cars on the road and

    scratch my mosquito bites

And I wonder how we can watch

    through the windows, yawning

    on our couches as

A man loses his daughter and

    his father and his best friend

    since elementary school and

    see his wife buried in the ruins

    of his home he paid everything for

I wonder how we let this happen

    year after year

    after decade

    after war

    after war

    after war

Saying it is for the best

    saying it is worth it

    and they are not 

We know nothing of it

    we are fools

    the blind leading the blind

Leading the masses 

    who watch wide-eyed

    with searing clarity 

As their barber 

    and piano teacher

    and mom

    and barista 

    are blown to p

        ie 

                   ce  s

While we tell them to stay 

    still

Do you remember

    your 8th grade

    English teacher?

Did you watch her die?

    Try to find someone to take 

    you to your best friend's funeral?

Could you hear the birds

    see the buttercups

    taste the honeysuckle

    feel the dust of the rubble

    settle in your skin and your

    teeth and your gut?

O, pediatric doctors and socked feet and

    my own bathroom stocked with pads!

O, being able to speak to my mom, 

    having a bed and a bird feeder 

    outside my window!

Do not let my knees grow weak

Do not let me become callous

    and silent and faithless

I sigh and breathe deep

    no alarms ringing

    and I have paper to write

And I am begging you 

    to look them in the eyes

    and tell them what you mean

    what they mean

Which is to say

    I am begging you

    to look yourself in the eyes

    and do not look away

– olivia gwyn