disillusioned

I am disillusioned

With you

The way you send me home with groceries

Only to have them go bad in two days

The way you told me as a child

Not to be afraid and now give me new, and old,

And real reasons that I should fear every day

The way you lie to me

Trick me into 

A facade of control

The way you take

Without once looking back

Or offering any kind of collateral

The way you brutalize your guests

Leave us crawling forward 

On our knees with no 

Where else to go

And 

I am disillusioned

With you

And yet

Am I?

I still pour myself

A bowl of cereal late at night

And eat it on my couch

Against all odds

I still go by the library

To pick up my books

And watch the kids laugh and run 

While their moms tell them to

Slow down

I still listen to the music

Reaching from his

Open door 

I still like the softness of my lips

The wide openness of the earth at sunrise

The ache of this pen in my hands

I'm still fascinated with the way

You don't make up for any of it

But here I am still

Writing and romancing 

The disillusionment of you–

The beauty

And callousness 

Of this awful earth