a dream

I remember the wind in my hair and the sun in my eyes and your car radio in my ears
I remember how I could hear your smile over the phone when you tried not to laugh
I remember how your eyes lingered on mine for too long too many times
I remember making pasta together and how you insisted your way was best
I remember how well we laughed together
I remember how you looked at me like it was too good to be true and then had to look away so you wouldn’t stare
I remember watching you walk out the door as the stars faded into the oncoming dawn
I remember a dream
Do you

excerpts of life

everyone keeps doing all these posts about high school and graduation and what they've learned and all this stuff, but I don't know. at the end of graduation day I wasn't thinking of everything I've learned. I was too busy taking in all the love. and it all just hit me that day. and I wrote messy in my journal late at night,
everything is so good and I'm too scared to think about it or I'll cry cause beginnings mean endings and time slips by so fast and I don't know how to love people well enough yet. what if I've lived all this time and they haven't seen Jesus yet? and I just thought, what could I ever give back- to mom and dad, my family, my friends/soulmates, my Savior, the Giver of every good and perfect gift? I mean, I guess, my life. but I guess I could start with a grateful heart, too. so, here's some memories of the week of graduation that fill me up all over again. john 1:16.

too many people crammed in a car music blasting, running to dollar general, hot air sweeping in through the open windows, watching baseball drowsy at dusk, volleyball barefoot in the sand at night.

laying in bed at night, talking about Jesus and the Bible, drinking tea, and realizing how real and alive and personal and powerful He is.

nachos and dip and ice cream and cookies and strawberries dipped in chocolate and laughter and talking with a constant background of guitar playing.

sitting in the dark with the power off, listening to good music, refusing to go to sleep, prank calls and hysterical laughter over nothing.

the way I could hear his smile over the phone at night when the stars were bright and my eyes were bleary.

writing stuff too personal to post on here but it's okay cause this poem.

eating samoas and driving unfamiliar country roads with wet hair and late sun on my bare arms, and how the sky changed to pink and purple fading to dark behind the trees, thunder rumbling complacent in the distance.

hitting up sketchy mexican restaurants pre-graduation rehearsal.

riding in the back of the truck to the baseball field with the cousins before it got too dark to see to hit.

not being able to stop smiling during the recessional because I'M DONE.

that He who promised is faithful.

//

sorry I've been gone so long. I think I'm back for good now.

I love you all for sticking around. :''')

gone

how do you get used to the absence of a person
what do you do when they're gone
and even after they're gone for all this time
they're still gone
how do you cope with the fact that they're not coming back

I don't know I don't know I don't know

because no one's looking
no one's praying for him any more
and he's still not back

what do you do when there's no words to pray
and no reason to plead that he'll stay
when he's already gone

I don't know
how
or
why
or
what
to
do

it's too dark to see

 for in this hope we were saved; but hope that is seen is no hope at all.

who hopes for what he can already see?

now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen

for we walk by faith not by sight

so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. 

for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future

romans 8:24. hebrews 11:1. 2 corinthians 5:7. 2 corinthians 4:18. jeremiah 19:11.